posted August 17, 1999 08:54 AM         

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-Female
-Betrayed
-43 (H 45)
-One child (girl 6)
-Married 14 years, cohabited for a total of 6 years before (incl. university residence)

Been a stay-at-home mom for five years. Currently searching for work. Husband worked(s) long hours and spent(ds) little time with family. We became distant in these years and lived together much like a brother and sister.
Confronted him 7/1. Finally had solid evidence so he could no longer deny it. I told him to leave and he came back two days later. He pays the bills! Told him that there would have to be some effort to reconcile if he was to stay. Affair began in April? OW divorced or separated maybe. She is a client so he cannot sever all contact with her.
Discovered a week ago that he is still calling her at home! I couldn't hide my distress about this and had to tell him. Not sure if I can continue with Plan A when I have these doubts!

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posted August 17, 1999 10:04 AM         

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Female
age 31
married 13yrs(married HS sweetheart @ 17yrs)
3 daughters (5,7,9)
Betrayed

First affair was 5 1/2 yrs ago while I was pregnant. H told me when OW broke it off and was gonna tell me.

Second affair was within the last year. Wasn't a realationship, just casual cybersex. Never met in person to my knowledge. Found a very graphic log file. They were planning to meet at a channel party, but it got cancelled.

Third affair was approx 6 mos ago. Cyber relationship. H was in love with her. I discovered a message about them breaking up. They met in person last month at a channel party. H says nothing happened.

Currently H is in a very close friendship that I fear may become an affair. Has daily internet and/or in person contact w/ OW.

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posted August 17, 1999 10:26 AM         

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Why not!

female
age51
married 32yrs
betrayed
affair lasted 12 yrs
disclosed when OW decided she wanted her man! She busted him, just showed up at the house!
never suspected, believed all his lies

Its been 2 1/2 years we've been trying to recover. He said good-bye to the OW that day and has tried to work on rebuilding trust ever sense

I'm the one who seems to still be struggling with the "whys?" Its funny how something like this can make your whole life look like one big farce! We will make it though!

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eyes wide open

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posted August 17, 1999 11:05 AM         

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Okay...in case anyone is still reading....
-Female
-42
-Betrayed
-Married 22 years next month
-3 Kids (24, 19, 17) 1st grandchild on the way
-Betrayed

H had numerous one night stands early in our marriage. I suspected, he denied, but he finally admitted them recently. He had an internet affair 6 years ago. Actually met with her several time, but denies sex. (not sure why, but I believe him!) Most recently, was caught kissing one of my best friends. They both deny it was anything more than "touchy-feely" but other people (including our children) think it went much further and feel it is there duty to tell me about it. This one has done more damage than the others, maybe because we never dealt with the others until now. Husband finally admitted everything and we are working to rebuild an "honest" relationship. Things are going well right now!

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posted August 18, 1999 05:26 PM         

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Female, Age 43
Married: 17 years
Betrayed
H's affair started in September, 1996; he walked out on me in February of 1997.
H, who is sterile, had an affair with a twice-divorced woman with a young daughter so that he could have a family of his own. He delayed the divorce for over a year and a half due to his apparent indecision on whether or not to marry her (but blamed me for the delay). He finalized our divorce in April of 1999. Plans to marry OW next month.

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posted August 18, 1999 06:30 PM         

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Male
42
Betrayed
Married 20 years this Nov.

I saw my "EX" 12 years ago, no sex, fessed up and stopped immediately.
I discovered her affair 2 years ago, she SAID it stopped. Love still very distant though, I should've KNOWN. I had a brief affair since I still felt she'd never come back to loving me again, it's over, she knows.
Aug 14th, 1999, she admits she's been seeing him the whole time, 3 years now... and wants to leave.

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posted August 18, 1999 06:55 PM         

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Female
Age 59
Betrayed
Married 23 years
10 children
H had on-line affair that lasted 6 months. Felt very mixed emotions as he never saw or really touched her. He did however shut me out. Stop having any intimate relations with me. And the very worst was he stopped being my best friend. We are better but it is still hard. It has been almost 2 years and the road back is very hard.

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alleyoop

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posted August 19, 1999 04:39 AM         

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Female
Age:33
Betrayed
Married 3 yrs.
No Children

H started affair 12/98, I discovered it 3/99. We separated for 2 months, I was planning to divorce him as he moved in and signed a lease with ow after I kicked him out. Used Harleys concepts including plan B.. worked well.. H moved back in to our home 6/8/99.. H is in counseling, goes to church with me and we are recovering better than can be expected.

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posted August 19, 1999 07:19 AM         

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32 years old
female
betrayed
married 11 yrs, together 16

married high school sweetheart

H's first affair 7 yrs ago. (sexual 2 months + emotional 2yrs) disclosed 4 mths ago.

H's 2nd affair - emotional, lasted 12 mths, disclosed a few weeks ago...currently in withdrawal pretty bad - he still works with her.

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posted August 19, 1999 08:54 AM         

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Male
Betrayed
42 years old
married 3 years (last week)
h 30 years old

First affair happened while we were engaged. Got married 4 months after (didn't know she was still writing to him until 2 wks prior). Second affair was 1 week prior to our first anniversary, lasted three months until he broke it off, but it was 90% a telephone affair. Third and last began 5 months ago and is continuing now, though she claims they are at the "just friends" stage. We have been separated since it began.

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posted August 19, 1999 10:30 AM         

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-Male
-34 (next month)
-Married 12 years
-3 Kids (12, 9, 6)
-Betrayed

W had an affair that lasted 3 months, I had no idea that she was having an affair, nothing like this has ever happened before, I have never been unfaithful to her, I was totally devastated. My W admitted everything when I found out, she is sooo sorry, W had already stopped seeing OM. Things are going OK at the moment (5 months after discovery) we are working on rebuilding our marriage.

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posted August 19, 1999 10:50 AM         

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It took me 3 Pepsis and a pack of Cigarettes to read all of these!

Female
Age 50 (handling it well)
betrayed
Married 30 years
2 Children (24 & 27)
Empty Nesters
In Recovery 18mo.
Doing Great!!!
Soon to be Grandparents!!!!!!

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"TIME" :)

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posted August 20, 1999 12:56 AM         

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Okay well here i am.......
36 years old married for 17 years with 2 kids
I live in canada
Betrayer
Do i feel bad.......you bet i do cause hubby didn't deserve it!!!!!!
Met a guy from icq we have talked almost 1 year and spent 3 days together,he is single and great,talked daily for months on phone...
Not sure where we are headed but i love him with all my heart.

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posted August 20, 1999 01:27 AM         

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ok here goes:

Female ... 28 .. been married 10 years on August 15th

3 kids .. 2 girls and a boy

Betrayer ... both through online affairs started 8 years into our marriage ... and a physical one a month and a half ago

married to mickeyddd who posts on here too .. we are working on our relationship and have been for the past month .. got a long way to go .. but this weekend going on a marriage encounter through the church which we both believe is gonna help us even more tremendously ... : )

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Alliy

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posted August 20, 1999 07:36 AM         

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Better late than never.

Male
Age 41
Betrayed
Married 19 yrs
Two children 9 & 3

W has rejected my Plan A work and says she is not in love w/me and does not want to work to regain that love. Physical part of affair is over, but she sees OM 2-3 times a week at her workplace. She is looking for an apartment and intends to file for divorce; however, want's to experience "being free" before she makes a final decision.

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