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 Marriage Builders Discussion Forums
 Read-Only Posts
 How many feel Harley methods have been successful? (Page 2)
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| Author | Topic: How many feel Harley methods have been successful? |
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RWD Member |
posted November 04, 1999 11:14 PM
 
I can't say Harleys plans helped me. I'm like Shattered1 in that I think my w's affair was an exit affair. Plan A didn't really work for me as w would see om at work in the evenings and then call him when she got home and I was in bed. So she was getting best of both worlds. Plan B didn't work because om paid for her week long stay at hotel and then helped her pay for apartment. Affair only broke down when his w gave him an ultimatium in combination with my w threatening to take the kids from me. We are still separated with no clear signs that she wants to reconcile. Conversations about her coming home only last 1 minute, then subject changes. IP: Logged |
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Sweetpea Member |
posted November 04, 1999 11:32 PM
I think that the MB methods helped me in that I'm better able to control my behavior. I think that I'm becoming a more considerate person and better at communicating. It's getting easier to speak to my H with love and respect when I'm upset with him, rather than getting all bent out of shape and crying and screaming at him. I'm also getting more assertive when dealing with others, and handling touchy business situations better. I do think that I've gotten better results from my H, though, on the few times I blew up and lovebusted; but, I probably wouldn't have gotten those results if I hadn't been doing Plan A prior to and in between blowups. I don't know why the blowups caused him to start doing better in his behavior toward me, unless it was because he realized that I was really getting totally fed up with getting nothing in return for my efforts. IP: Logged |
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stuggling Member |
posted November 05, 1999 12:05 AM
It definitely has worked for me and my wife. She never has known that I am using his methods, never really cared. This means I am disagreeing with the people on this board that suggest that both people have to be committed to the principles. I have Plan A'ed my wife for one year and we are finally out of the woods. She is "in love" with me for the first time in our marriage and now says OM was a mistake. I agree with Chris that if you apply the principles, you win either way. If your marriage doesn't survive, you will have no regrets for doing giving it your all. It will make your closer to God than you ever experienced as well because only he can help you to truly survive the affair. God bless, IP: Logged |
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Kat1 Member |
posted November 05, 1999 01:11 AM
Dazed although at the time I had no idea this site existed, I followed what we call plan A, and I can say that it did work for us. The affair went on for about 4 months after discovery ( which was as it started ) it was time needed to reconnect, fix what needed to be fixed recommitment on his part and all the regular stages, but over one year is passed and things are still great and as I say many times even better than before the affair ( sad ina way, that we needed something like this to wake up, but true nevertheless ) Yes I do believe that Harley's methods work, although I stree as always that each situation is different and needs to be worked in a slight different way. However the basics seem to be more or less the same. ALso although I agree that both spouses need to be in agreement and committed to rebuilding, I have to say that even when that doesn't happen it can still work providing that one is following the plan. Take care ------------------ IP: Logged |
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SDS Member |
posted November 05, 1999 12:01 PM
It depends on which harley's methods you are talking about. If your are talking about "Surviving an Affair" then I think they work. It doesn't take both parties. Look at the first case. We all show that they work because we have survived, maybe not with our marriage intact, or where we want to be. We are all impatient people we want everything to work now, and I am one of the most impatient ones around. He says it take a long time depending on the affair. Now if you are talking about his methods to rebuild your marriage after you have survived the affair, then yes it takes a commitment on both spouses part. But you can't have a commitment until you are compeletly through withdrawal, and that takes even longer. So I don't think any of us are fall enough along in this to say wheter they are successful or not. Just my thoughts on the subject. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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lark Member |
posted November 05, 1999 03:11 PM
I think there are LOTS of success stories here and everywhere. It's just that the really successful people probably move on from here and don't continue to post. (I hope to move into that category some day.) I also agree with many here who've said that almost anyone's rebuilding methods can work if both spouses are committed to the rebuilding process. I don't think Harley's methods or anyone else's method can work if either the betrayed or betrayer is not committed to rebuilding. One thing the Harley methods did for us is it opened up our eyes to all the stuff we'd been doing wrong through the years. If we had known then what I know now, none of this would have ever happened. I grow more convinced of that every day. IP: Logged |
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