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Author	Topic: PLEASE "LISTEN" For everyone READ
camjon Member	posted December 22, 1999 04:40 PM We had our 3rd Counseling session today. Went ok, I just wanted to share what nailed us both to the wall about trust and communication. It is a paper on Listening. When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, You are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I asked you to do was listen, not talk or do-just hear me. Advise is cheap: 36cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper. And I can do for myself; I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you have contributed to my fear and weakness. But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get on with the business of understanding what's behind that irrational feeling. When that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advise. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them. Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people, because God is mute, and He doesn't give advise or try to fix things. "He" just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So, Please listen and just hear me. And, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you! I hope that brings some insight for someone. It kinda hit me on the nail!@ (ACA Group)12/88 Thanks Christine [This message has been edited by camjon (edited December 22, 1999).] IP: Logged
new_beginning Member	posted December 22, 1999 04:50 PM Ut oh... I haven't been listening Thanks for the 2 x 4, Chris... ~Sheryl IP: Logged
professorg Member	posted December 22, 1999 04:50 PM It took me 13.5 years to fully understand this thing about listening and feeling. It is difficult for men to do this. We are always looking to solve the problem. I still struggle with this particularly when we are talking about us. She just wants me to listen and not comment or interrupt unless told to do so. ------------------ God Bless, Rob IP: Logged
jamie-lee Member	posted December 22, 1999 04:57 PM My H & I both need to work on listening. I need to work on it just alittle bit more than he does though. That hit it on a nail!!!! ------------------ IP: Logged
mkn Member	posted December 22, 1999 05:11 PM I'm making a copy so I can re-read it...... alot.... IP: Logged
crazy or what? Member	posted December 22, 1999 05:14 PM Thank you, Thank you! IP: Logged
camjon Member	posted December 22, 1999 05:21 PM It really hits home doesn't it!!!! IP: Logged
wafflestoo Member	posted December 22, 1999 05:27 PM What did you say? NO...Just kidding. I am going to stop posting now and go listen to what my wonderful husband has to say. IP: Logged
bonnet Member	posted December 22, 1999 05:48 PM I had already decided I needed to work on my listening skills.... bit lacking in that area. The only thing is, I'm not getting a chance to practice it on my H. Oh well, maybe tomorrow (Christmas Eve) when he is here, I can show him how I have changed in some areas, like listening ability. I am learning so much from you people, you will never ever know how much I appreciate each and everyone of you. Thank you for that post, it really does hit the nail on the head... Jo IP: Logged
camjon Member	posted December 22, 1999 06:29 PM Up to the top......... IP: Logged
SDS Member	posted December 22, 1999 06:39 PM Wish I had thattwo years ago to give to my husband may have been long then that. He use to do all the things it said not to do so I gave up talking and then I gave up listening to him. I tried to tell him but he never got it. Maybe that is why the OW likes him so much he gives such good advice. She has followed I do know that. ------------------ di IP: Logged
Roll Me Away Member	posted December 22, 1999 06:43 PM camjon, This is great - thanks for sharing!!! I really needed that - will print to re-read. Roll Me Away ------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort." Sir Humphry Davy IP: Logged
devastated2 Member	posted December 22, 1999 07:00 PM I am printing this also. Last night was a bad night here. I have tried so many times to explain this to H. And maybe this will help. Thank you for posting it camjon. IP: Logged
camjon Member	posted December 22, 1999 08:40 PM up to the top!!!! IP: Logged
Chris (CA123) Member	posted December 23, 1999 12:31 AM A very, very, very good book on communications is We Can Work It Out : How to Solve Conflicts, Save Your Marriage, and Strengthen Your Love for Each Other by Howard Markman, Clifford I. Notarius. Describes listening skills & how to develop them. It also fits right in line with the MB principles. ------------------ Prayers & God Bless! Chris For relationship info check out Marriage & Relationship Resources IP: Logged

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