posted March 01, 2000 07:32 PM            

I know that there is a roll call on the Just Found Out Forum, but how about something a little more concise here? There are so many of us here now that it is hard for me to keep all of our names, spouses, stories, etc. in mind. Many people have outdated or almost nonexistant profiles.

Here's my suggestion: Write a brief summary, maybe just one paragraph. Let us know how long since D-Day, if you and your spouse both post here and under what names, where you are as a couple (together or apart), if you are in Plan A or B or recovery, and anything else that you feel is important.

Once everyone has had a chance to contribute, then anyone who wants to can print it out and use it to refer to when reading a post.

This is just my suggestion, and if others feel it is not valuable or not needed then it's no big deal, we'll just forget it.

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks,

posted March 01, 2000 09:10 PM            

~Woozy

posted March 02, 2000 09:19 AM            

I discovered my H's affair on January 20th - confronted him with a letter I rec'd in the mail on January 21st - he admitted to it.

My H doesn't post here. He doesn't even know how to type! We are six weeks (tomorrow) into recovery. Affair ended upon discovery (really about a week before, that's why I received the letter - OW was beside herself). We really didn't have to do Plan A. He realized everything he ever wanted and needed, he already had with me.

My H is now also a recovering alcoholic...also 6 weeks for sobriety for him.

We are in counseling once a week, since a week from discovery. We are happier now then we ever have been. It's like a whole new relationship. We're getting to know one another completely and fully. He has "opened his eyes" and I have reopened my heart.

It's still gonna be a long haul, but I think we're making progress.

posted March 02, 2000 09:39 AM            

I was served with divorce papers dated Valentine's Day. H told the kids I am beautiful and he still loves me. He tells me we are going to be friends forever and we'll get through this change in our lives. (meaning me learning to accept OW). He maintains he met her 3 days before xmas. I feel it has been about 2 or 3 months more. I was mentally abused for 10 years but never knew it. He brainwashed, belittled and treated me terrible, like his slave. But for some dumb reason, I loved him still.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, but I am trying to learn to find happiness and accept this mess.

posted March 02, 2000 10:03 AM            

*My H & I have been married a year and a half (together 3 total).
* 7/99 (our 1 year anniversary) EA started with coworker
* 12/99 found out about EA
* 12/99-1/99 5 counseling sessions with a quack that didn't help at all!
* 12/24/99 found out I was pregnant
* 1/21/99 ultrasound & day he left
* 2/99 H doesn't want to work on marriage
* 2/28/99 H broke into our home and took all his stuff while I was out of town
* H has been getting EVERYTHING out of his name
* 3/1/99 H had my cable turned off
* Not sure if there is OW or not right now!

I am currently using the Divorce Busting "last resort technique". I tried Plan A, but everything I did drove him further away. He feels he "gave it his all". He is very messed up right now.

Hope this helps! It has been 9 days since last contact with H! It gets a little easier each day. I just wish I didn't love him so much. This breaks my heart and is REALLY hurting my 6 year old daughter.

TB

P.S. I am 26 years old, a high school teacher & live in Idaho

posted March 02, 2000 10:50 AM            

9/98 - Got internet service at work, I located an old college friend (male)

1/99 - XH told me he was hurt because of my friendship with my college friend.... Broke off all contact and tried to save my marriage.

4/99 - Returned from funeral out of state only to have H kick me out of the house. Separated for 3 weeks, started counselling.
Quit counselling

5/99 - H started staying out later and later after work. Stayed out until 4 or 5 am some nights..... we started fighting again. Found out his boss had told him to "cool it" w/ a female employee because people were talking.

7/99 - H "asked" me to leave again.... Moved out 8/99.

Repeated attempts to reconcile, but continued justification of his "friendship" with the twinky & refusal to quit seeing her outside of (and/or after) work.

1/00 - H said he didn't want to try anymore...

2-23-00 Divorce final.

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There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable.
-- John Oliver Holmes

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
-- Elie Wiesel

posted March 02, 2000 11:56 AM            

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Blessed be.
****************
Keridwen

Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

posted March 11, 2000 10:17 PM            

* Apparently I have been suffering with mild depression for a long time - perhaps most of my life.
* After about 3 years of marriage I found out that H had an affair - it was over and he despised her by then.
* We did not get counselling and I found it difficult to get over his betrayal.
* Depression got worse, but went unrecognized and undiagnosed.
* We had sexual difficulties starting in spring of 1997 - he even went to the doctor.
* H was spending a lot of time out drinking until all hours - I, of course, nagged incessantly about this.
* Summer 1998: I went to a bar where he was known to hang out and met some of his friends. I noted a woman staring at me with hostility. Asked him about her and he said he didn't know her.
* September 13, 1998: Took a day trip and got home near midnight. H worked on his motorcycle, then took test ride.
* 3 hours later, I went to find him - at the bar. Encountered the staring woman again, and finally asked her what her problem was. She launched herself off the barstool, reaching for my throat. H tried to pretend he didn't know what her problem was.
* We went home, there was a message on my answering machine from her, telling me she and he were having an affair. She proceeded to call my home every 5 minutes until I took it off the hook.
* H tried to avoid answering the obvious question, but eventually admitted they were having an affair and that he was planning to leave.
* I did the begging and crying thing, then began Plan A. 2 months after discovery he moved out (November 9, 1998).
* I continued Plan A. We went on a two week vacation after he moved out (the weekend after Thanksgiving) and had a wonderful time.
* He and I saw each other frequently - many times at his instigation. I helped him select and buy his car and motorcycle (even as to the color of the bike).
* Summer 1999 we spent a lot of time together, again, some at his instigation, some at mine. I learned to golf and we golfed several times. He was beginning to become more comfortable in OUR home again, but no sexual contact. Rumor had it that all was not well in paradise. Received frequent hang up calls, most from the same phone number (which turned out to be the pay phone outside where she worked).
* September 1999, distancing again began. OW (fondly called "Slug" here at MB by me) had new job, her second in 8 months; I work in education and get little time off except weekends. Still he made contact - a few times just showing up for lunch at my job. H got online, I helped him with his computer (not at his home - I've never been there). I sent him email, she sent me vicious nasty replies (see my threads in the read-only forum).
* November 1999, he went on vacation with slug. On the day I expected him back, I left him a telephone message about my family issues (my bil's dad was dying). I didn't hear from him the day following or all day that Monday, and assumed he would not respond. At 11pm Mon. eve., he showed up on his motorcycle. Came inside and we talked for about 1/2 hr. As he left I mentioned wanting a ride. He left, but came back in about 10 minutes saying, "You going on that ride or not?" We did.
* Holidays were horrible ... he distanced himself quite a bit, occasional LB'ng from me. I had gotten him Christmas gifts over the summer and finally in Jan. he came over to get them.
* The following week he called me twice. I have since been visiting him and calling him at work fairly regularly.
* I am still in Plan A 15 months after discovery. I still have hope that Dr. Harley's 2 yr average maximum will see my H finally realizing what scum the slug really is (she has now had 5 job changes in the last 15 months - and her leaving is always welcomed, according to what I've heard. And, she has continued to write me rabid and desperate sounding emails - some of which are posted here on this forum).

Sorry to be so long-winded, but, as you can see, my situation has been long so far. I regularly post updates. Doing a search on my username terri will fill you in on all the details

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terri
I believe in miracles...