 |
 |
|||||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
||
|
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||
|
 Marriage Builders Discussion Forums
 General Questions
 what do you tell the kids when you get tough??
|
 UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! |
next newest topic | next oldest topic |
| Author | Topic: what do you tell the kids when you get tough?? |
|
Claudia103 unregistered |
posted March 07, 2000 08:38 PM
 
After a phone call from OP's H telling me all kinds of info that i thought was important I gently confronted my husband. I was calm, he was calm That was last night. This am (8am) when the only other person he could have talked to was the OP, he called me up to chew me out. He told me that he was not talking to me anymore, etc. etc because I twist everytning he says and tell it to all of my friends.\ This is a joke since he has yet to TELL me anything. I basically called his bluff, did the plan B letter via e-mail and gently told him that it was better for us to not talk and simply make some arrangements to exchange kids. Now he is calling alot and leaving messages .. "this is not good" "pick up the phone""" He has been out of the house for 3 weeks and "possessed" for 4 mnths. I could not plan A because he was breezing into get individual kids and then breezing out. Anyway, after all of that, my kids are still shell shocked. THey have no real clue as to what is really going on. Not that I do, other than what I heard from OP's h and rumor mill. My 10 year old started to see a counselor today because she is having real trouble. Not eating, afraid that her dad will be mad at her for everything. Believe me I am reassuring her the best I can. I have been very calm here. She told me that she wants me to give "daddy" areally big hug and kiss when he comes next because she hasn't seen us do that in awhile. (Up until Nov 4th it we were very affectionate with each other in front of the kids. ) The counselor suggested that I tell the kids that mommy and daddy are going to do things a different way (because I had given him cart blanche to try to do plan a). If he tells them that he will talk to me I am to say "daddy knows what he needs to do for me to talk to him" I can send them to him to answer why I am not talking to him in the first place. My 10 year old is going to go through the roof. Tonight when I did not answer the phone after I hung up when he was finished with them she flipped out. She was convinced that he would be mad at her. I let her leave a message. Who can offer a suggestion for dealing with the kids. (ages 10-8-5) IP: Logged |
|
trying2_4give Member |
posted March 08, 2000 10:54 AM
Their is not much to say on this part, but to be there and try to reassure her that it is not her fault, maybe you should email or have another family member talk to hubby to have him assure your D that it is not her fault. IP: Logged |
|
mthrrhbard Member |
posted March 08, 2000 11:34 AM
Hi Claudia, Your counselor is right on the money in my opinion. This is all up to H at this point. He is the one with all the power to turn things around and make it better.Sounds like he's starting to see this,as he is saying "this is not good" DUH. Gosh,it just kills me that there has to be so much pain and destruction BEFORE they wake up!It's so unfair that the kids try to take responsibility upon themselves,but they do,sweet little ones. My D cried daily,when H was gone. That killed me more than him being gone. I hated him for it! Just keep reassuring them that it is not their fault and that it is not their job to get daddy to come back home.Be honest and do tell D that daddy does know what he needs to do to make things better and that you cannot force him to,he has to do it on his own. Refer all of their questions to HIM, as He is accountable for himself and the one with the answers and should have to deal with the reality of the pain his behavior has caused.Praying for you all! IP: Logged |
|
db713 Member |
posted March 08, 2000 12:47 PM
I agree totally with what has been said. I have four children ages 16,24, 26, and 30. Regardless of the ages, it affects all children. My 16 yo has had the most visable problems dealing with divorce, and she also is in counseling, and it has helped. The counselor has also met with my daughter and me together, and also my daughter and her father together. It is up to your husband to maintain whatever relationship he wants with the children. It may not be what you want it to be but it is out of your control, unless abuse is involved. Your job is to support your children and love them the best you can. It will be a major adjustment in all your lives, but time does make a difference. IP: Logged |
|
NSR Member |
posted March 08, 2000 12:50 PM
Claudia, Lots of "kids" related posts today are making me cry... Ok... What I've done with mine (8yo girl, 10yo boy and 17yo boy) is to emphasize that they are to love their mom(the wayward) always! I've said it before... My time has not yet come for Plan B... but it is coming nearer and nearer (as I am being forced into a divorce I don't want.) But... I have thought a lot about what I will tell the children... --------------------------------------------- Their mom (the wayward) is causing a lot of pain to me as a husband and father... The hurt their mom is giving me is causing me to lose my very special gift of love through our marriage that was given to us by God... ...I'm not throwing away my love for their mom... I'm making it grow into a different love. We can all understand different kinds of love... for parents, for cousins, for pets, for God, and now for a parent who is wayward. Not having contact with their mom(for me only) saves me for loving their mom in that different kind of way. If God wills it to bring back their mom... that is good. If their mom doesn't hear the calling... it won't change my love for my kids... or the desire they should have for loving their mom. -------------------------------------------- There are still more thoughts I have to think through myself... Jim IP: Logged |
All times are CT (US) | next newest topic | next oldest topic |
  |
|
Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.47
