posted March 15, 2000 09:46 PM            

My H loves guns. I hate guns. Yeah, I knew he came from a family of gun lovers... although how well could I know him after six weeks, but I digress... anyway, yeah gun lovers, but David only had one gun, a rifle, and he hadn't shot it in some time.

Fast forawrd to today, when my H has about five rifles, 2 handguns... and I STILL HATE THEM. I don't want to look at them, touch them, learn how to shoot them, and I NEVER will. So, what to do? Well, I can tell you one thing, it won't involve guns.

I agree in principle with the Rec need, and the 15 hour thing. But around here, I have a H who works 60+ hrs. a week, and I'm lucky to see him 10-20 MINUTES a day. Yeah, he stayed home from work last Friday and we played pool - it was GREAT... but that's rare. He had to stay home from work to do it. See my problem? I do.

posted March 15, 2000 11:31 PM            

It is funny that this subject should come up because although I haven't really realized it (maybe I just wasn't listening with my ears) one of Arik's main EN's is recreational companionship. I am sure he has tried to tell me on numerous occassions but I have not really heard him I guess. That is until this past weekend and again today. We are going to be working on a plan to have a "date night" at least once a week where we can just go for a drive, go out for milkshakes, play pool , go out for a hike...whatever as long as it is just us two- no kids involved. He wants (and I do too) time with just the 2 of us. I don't think it really matters what it is, as long as we are together without kids popping in or asking questions or just being kids.
I honestly believe that this is what is the most important thing in RC. Spending time together, finding something that the 2 of you enjoy and doing it, even if it is nothing at all except sitting on your front porch after the kids have gone to bed and watching the northern lights.

------------------
Love and Prayers
Nicole

posted March 16, 2000 09:39 AM            

K wrote:

quote:

---

Your scenario is typical of what happens when you just use one of the MB principles without balancing it with the whole philosophy.

---

For the record, I try to spend as much quality time with my wife as possible. I don't think we get in the "required" 15 hrs, but we do okay. Work and our son prevents more than probably 8 hrs a week.

But I still have interests that my wife just is NOT into and she never will be. I can accept that. So I do 'em on my own. I don't think that's such a bad thing. My wife let's me do them. I let her do her things. So we use POJA. Yay! Whoopie!!

But the issue is still there. When TruthSeeker mentioned her and her husband using POJA to work out an agreement, she's on the right track, sure, but the problem is STILL THERE. Her husband just doesn't like dancing. Eventually, he'll drop out of the lessons or whatever and they'll be in the same boat and they'll have to negotiate another POJA settlement. It'll always be there. And it can turn to resentment if we're not careful.

I think we all have to accept that if we want to stay sane and keep the resentment to a minimum, we all have to do our own thing from time to time. And that means not spending all our recreational time together as Harley says we should. It just ain't gonna happen for most of us.

--andy

posted March 16, 2000 02:48 PM            

I'm taking dancing lessons and doing well at it. H always said it wasn't that important to him, but I see how much he likes it at "functions" we go to. Christmas and New Year was at his sister's. They serve drinks, place chairs in a circle, turn up the salsa music, and DANCE. I sat out because I don't know how. I think I could like it once I know enough to relax.

I gave up chess and tennis, two very favorite pastimes. Though not exactly for h, seems parenting got in the way. I would rather try new things we may both like than take away from spending time with h.