posted April 01, 2000 10:04 AM            

I'd like to get past the hurt and anger and distance we feel and get back to being friends. I need to know what you need from me.

I know you need me to stop asking questions and I will keep trying to do that. It would help me if you would share a little about your day and your feelings so I don't feel the need to question you to see what you are feeling. I will try and be more open too.

I would like you to tell me what you need to feel loved. I feel I have failed to show you my love for you in a way you can accapt.

We need to communicate if we are ever going to get past this. Please try and give me some imput into what you need and want from me. I have tried to figure it out on my own, but I don't think I have done a very good job. If you cant talk to me, maybe you could try a letter or call the counseler, Steve and talk to him.

You are the most important person in the world to me and I want to work on our marraige so that it is more satisfing and rewarding for you. I love you and want to work on being a better wife to you. I need your help. Lora

So what do you think. Please help me eliminate any LB or things you think will make him defensive. Remember he said he thought it was all about me and nothing for him. Does this seem like that or am I able to express that I want to give to him what he needs?

posted April 01, 2000 06:02 PM            

While, I do not think it is your intent, I can see how he would feel that the letter is all about you.

Try rephrasing it a bit. Instead of saying...

"I am afraid"

I'd like to get past the hurt

I need to know what you need from me.

Try saying instead.

I love you with all of my heart and am willing to put forth whatever is needed to reubuild our marriage. I have spent a lot of time asking myself how I can better meet your needs and I realize that only you can tell me that. So I am asking you to please tell me what I can do to make you feel more fulfilled in our marriage. You mean the world to me and I would really appreciate the chance to make this better with you.

In your draft you do ask him how you can better meet his needs but you set it up under the guise of your need to get past it. While I don't think your thoughts are only for yourself, I can see how your H maight take it that way. Ask him questions in the letter and use the word I as little as possible. Hope this helps