posted June 01, 2000 03:26 PM            

So all this traveling and hotel living sounds good. As long as you and h are able to spend time together without it being unduely stressful on you guys or the kiddos all the better. Whatever it takes. Sometimes the crazy life can be fun.

NoTrust,
I'm gald h see's the bad in his affair. So many times they only see that they had to give up a nice shiny new toy. I am glad things are better. Just remember, it takes time. None of us want to go through that kind of mess again.

------------------
Just call me - Deb
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The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.

posted June 01, 2000 09:07 PM            

I posted a thread "http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003218.html
which updates my life right up to today. Please go there and read about my year.

Glad to see you here

I am ready for that summer party!! Let me know when

posted June 01, 2000 10:49 PM              

Here goes ... H & I are separated now 1 month 3 days and 8 hrs. He is temporarily (yeah, right) living with OW until he gets into his alleged house.

We are talking and no LB from me. He is blown away that I was so understanding when I learned he was living w/her. Thanks to Buffy, Missy9, CL, Kam6318, NoTrust and so many others (sorry if I missed any names) I was not a raving lunatic when we talked as I'm sure he was antipating. He even called me this morning at work for the first time in months and wanted to know HOW I WAS! Yeah!

In one week I've learned so much. I'm grateful for all the support & prayers more than I can say. I've also made a friend from the board who is local to my area (Gig Harbor, WA). We plan to hook-up and have coffee, talk and hopefully help each other.

I'm almost smiling just typing this post because I know God has answered my prayers by leading me here.

I plan on learning and stretching myself so I can be a better person so when my H does return we will have a new marriage, one that will never be in jeopardy of an affair ever again.

I plan on stepping up the plate and being there for every one of you when you're in need.

So there's my update for June 1.

posted June 01, 2000 11:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Goober:
I'm starting legal precedings on getting a divorce. We will do a one year seperation followed by the big D. I've been humiliated one too many times to maintain any kind of feelings for my wife.

I know I have some rough times ahead but as I maintained from the beginning, I did everything could (and will continue to until final) to keep us together, I have maintained my self respect and my dignity. I really believe i will come out of this a better person, one who knows how to be more caring, more compassionate, more open and more dedicated to the person I will be involved with.

Once everything goes through I am going on vacation, somewhere warm and south. Goober can still limbo with the best of them.

---

Hi Goober, I admire you a lot. Just want to ask, I don't remember whether you have found a therapist or a counselor, or if you have time to see one. It helps me.

Be well.

posted June 01, 2000 11:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by NSR:
Ok...

I was going to, and probably will, do a separate post tomorrow...
...asking for more prayers... again!

Overall, the news is not too good...

I have my trial date (divorce) set for Monday (June 5th)...
...hoping for a postponment.

My W(stbx...yuck I hate using that accronym) will not talk to me...
...about virtually anything!

W told my son I am a big fat liar...
...that now I have his ~$30K social security benefit money...(huh???)
...how it moved into my account is a miracle
...my balance didn't go up one thin dime!

My attorney keeps telling me... the courts will not put aside any money for my kids education... and I will have to beg my W for it when the time comes...
..oh yeahhh... he'll be glad to file an appeal... should cost about $5,000!

Unemployed for 2 weeks...
(that's OK... I'll pick up a new job in July... I really can do it!)
I'm going to Europe for 3 weeks in late June /early July for my grandparents 65th anniversary...

...oh yeh...
my son's car just died...
...now I'm super taxi...

Gee...
...Sheba... you up for a dance?...LOL

But I'm OK...
...I got someone above looking after me...

Jim

[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 01, 2000).]

---

Dear Jim, I couldn't check the boards for awhile, just wanted to ask how the communion went? Okay, I'll put you in my rosary, as well as other people here on the board.

Sleep well.

posted June 02, 2000 12:24 AM            

Now separated almost 21 months. More trips on the roller coaster than anyone can imagine. Have Plan Aed myself to death and thought I was making great progress the last few months. Husband is spending more and more time with us, obviously feels comfortable around me, and enjoys himself. Of course, he still won't talk about the "issues" (OW, our future, the marriage, how I need to change, etc.). He falsely started a divorce in February by sending me the paperwork with a waiver of service. I said I wasn't going to sign the waiver until we had an inperson discussion about the marriage. I scheduled it twice, he ducked it, and that was the end of the legal process.

Meanwhile, more and more time together, increasing helpfulness from him, and much better interaction with the kids. He suggested we jointly do a Mother's Day brunch for MIL at my house and helped me. Turns out, the night before the brunch he took his brother (visiting from out of state) out to dinner with the OW. This is the first indication of her presence since October 31, which was the last day we had a discussion about our marriage. She had never met any family members before.

BIL told me about it and that was too much for me to ignore. I told husband that I was very hurt and asked him what was going on. I got the usual set of answers, the "I gave up and moved on" stuff, but I also got an "I don't know what I'm going to do" in response to my question "are you going to pick up the divorce?". I expect the real answer is nothing. Perpetual limbo.

Meanwhile, the entire situation is taking an ever increasing toll on me. I am definitely not the same person I was two years ago, and much of the change is NOT an improvement. I used to be decisive, action-oriented, and in control of my own life. Now, I feel my self respect going down the toilet. My boss made some nicely worded but negative comments about my changes at work, and she's right. I am not the same.

I don't have answers for myself, but I'm feeling that I need to make some major life changes. I'm afraid of all directions - making major changes and continuing on are both depressing and terrifying thoughts.

posted June 02, 2000 08:15 AM            

Neat idea

WOOZY...where are you????

My update is fairly simple. I moved over to the divorced board. My divorce is on hold. MY ex withdrew his action (or whatever you call it) and I countersued.

I am ready. I don't want the marriage. I feel I went through a very bad period of pain and sorrow and now I'm ready to be happy again.

I took some time to be single. To enjoy it, to live it up, and to get wild and crazy. I even did it to the point I got sick of it.

Am seeing just one person now. Things are going well for the time being. I am very happy with my life and most of what occurs in it. The things I am unhappy with, are out of my control.

My ex still has a hold on me. He still has the ability to ruin my day, be disgusting and cruel to me and to control me while I don't know its happening.

Looking back on the whole affair and how it played out, I wish my ex would have just walked away peacefully. I have learned a lot. I continue to grow and become the person I was BEFORE my ex destroyed me 11 years ago.

I am not glad that it happened, because it hurt like hell, but I know now, this was for the best and I was not meant to be with him.

I know I'll have some down time, but I look forward to the future and I will do my best to be happy in it.

posted June 02, 2000 08:49 AM            

But I'm here with my update. Thanks for the thread, keeps me from posting my own!

Well, Mothers Day generally goes by without notice in my household - but this year was different - lots of recognition from the SD's and H bought me a scanner and a lake house! We take posession in a couple of weeks! Have some work to do on it - hoping to be moved in by winter.

Have a little Graves disease - so sleeping can be a hurdle for me. I have suffered immensely for my excitement - with the lake house and going to CA for my son's wedding - and I got a call from Washington DC and they are changing the funding request for my project from $150K 1 year to $400K 3 years. Too much excitement for this ole' lady - couldn't sleep for days!

Went to California for my son's wedding. It was beautiful. It was held at a resort in the desert, and our family pastor who is now retired performed the ceremonies. It became a family reunion - and it was a blast.

Son honored me so beautifully - with Bride's mom and myself going up to light our children's candle they used to light their own unity candle. Sermon during the service was wonderful - even my husband's father was touched with tears and renewal for his own marriage. (He is known as the infidelity King). The night before the wedding my X and my H, our two sons and my son's uncle all went bar hopping in Palm Springs. My Husband said he had a terrific time. He's not bothered by my X in anyway - except when I'm around, and then my X's mouth is drooling and my H wants to punch him out. (teee heeee)

They cancelled our flight out of Burbank to Minnesota, so they rerouted us to LAX and then the plane had problems - and to make a long story short - we didn't get home for 24 hours, which seriously affected my sleep again. Got home at 7 am instead of the previous day, and then I got sick, resistance was down - so it developed into pneumonia and I am in the recovery for this as I type. (coughing green chunks of something ick ick ick)

Oldest SD joined a ladies baseball team, and she asked us to go to her first game. How nice - X wife was there. PUKE. Then one of my H OW's is on SD's team. She was H OW during his first marriage. Then the OW from our marriage was on the opposing team. One view I told him was a KODAK MOMENT (HUGE LOVEBUSTER) when I said "See the view! There is Debbie (X) in front of us, SD is up to bat behind Julie (OW from first marriage) and there is Jody (OW from our marriage) in centerfield. How lovely, Mike! Aren't you proud of yourself?" He was not proud, more ashamed and angry. Just couldn't resist, then laughed it off - but I now it hurt him bad. I'm paying for that one evening over and over and over in my mind - awful visions of lies and affairs that I am combatting now but I am doing well not to mention it to Mike.

After the game when we got home he hugged me and said "he was glad that it was only an 'almost' mistake" (with Jody, still denying he had an affair.) Geez, I took the hug and bit my tongue. Can't wait till we move. Fraid it isn't far enough away.

posted June 02, 2000 09:21 AM            

this is a great thread, so interesting to see different updates. I am also in kind of a holding pattern. Thanks to all of you I am doing a remarkable plan A and it seems to be working well. H is calling a lot and spending time with me and kids at least a few times a week. His apartment is depressing as all he!! and things are breaking there almost daily (There is a God!). First the shower, then the dishwasher. Home must be looking good to him at those times.

I am very hopeful, but also very wary. I know I can not ever trust this man again, and the funny thing is...I am starting to change once I accepted that. I would love to be in a place in my life where I don't need him. He is seeing these changes in me, and it's scaring him and frustrating him. The icky, vengeful part of me has a fantasy that H asks to come home and I say...no...I'm moving on.
So, day by day, things change. When we are together it is great. Always hug and kiss goodbye. Had a date last week with H which was wonderful and we both knew there was still "something there" between us. As soon as we start feeling close he pulls back though, and I'm left hurting again.

Anyone out there with a crystal ball? I'd love to know the outcome of this mess.

posted June 02, 2000 09:40 AM            

Well I have posted recently, update is:

We are seperated almost 4 weeks, at the midpoint of do we go on or not. I have grown, seen a lot of things in myself I did not like, what I was becoming. H has issue's he needs to resolve but so far denies the mood swings that he goes into.

I am doing things for myself, things I stopped doing a year ago, things that I enjoy or make me who I am. I am taking care of my daughters. I have good and bad days.

But things must improve in one direction or another. I pray daily for my family and for all of us here. I am thinking clearer and with more purpose.