posted October 07, 2000 11:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VAR:
Here is my roll call data
VAR

1. Male
2. I’m 33, W 31
3. Betrayed
4. 7
5. 3
6. Almost 2
7. About 6
8. Both EA&PA
9. 1
10. Plan A
11. Living Together
12. OP is divorced (wife had affair and left him two years ago)
13. Friend
14. Only mentioned in passing
15. MB (Wife not involved)
16. Two weeks

1. 3 children, 12 S, 6 D, 4 D
2. Currently we’re still together, so no custody issue
3. OM has two children, one is best friend w/ my 12 year old
4. I am in counseling, both with Steve Harley and elsewhere. My wife has been in counseling, but is currently angry with her counselor and has not scheduled a next appointment.
5. My wife is on Celexa
6. No
7. OM is a drinking buddy for her. That is part of where connection started.
8. No
9. No
10. She has voiced the idea that things would be simpler if she were gone, nothing more.
11. No
12. Any encouragement is greatly appreciated. Some days I feel strong and like I have a plan, other days I am bewildered and empty, and on those days I look to the forum here hoping for hope.

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posted October 18, 2000 02:06 PM            

Female
Me 29/ Him 31
I am the betrayed
11 years living together (hapily I thought)
2 years dating prior
1 year since discovery
4 months before discovery and still continues in some capacity
Both PA & EA
2nd A
Living seperate for about 6 months
He is not living with OP - OP is 31 & still living at home with parents
OP is single
OP was sort of friend, I guess but more like acquaintence.
Total seperation discussed and occaisonally requested by him.
Reading books and using Forum
2 months

1 Boy 3 1/2 years old.
lives with me
No counseling yet, he won't go.
No medication - no insurance or extra $$$
He began drinking shortly before A
Drank quite heavily for a while OW is known around town as a "partier"

I am 5ft 5in
weigh about 97lbs (105 before A) not real proud of that.
Long Brown hair
Brown eyes (very sad)

posted October 18, 2000 05:18 PM            

1. 1 daughter of the marriage (age 2, almost 3)
2.Who has physical custody? She's with me.
3.Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? No.
4.In counseling? Yes.
Me - Dr. and therapist
Us - marriage counselor
H - is supposed to make appt., but hasn't yet. (Is now seeing a therapist for anger counseling.)
5.On medication/anti-depressants?… What kind?
Yes - Effexor XR and Nortriptyline (to be weaned)

6.Mid-Life Crisis involved? Not sure.
7.Alcoholism involved? No.
8.Has there been STD as a result of affair? No. (Hope not.)
9.Abuse? No.
10.Suicide attempted? No.
11.Lesbian/Gay issues? No.
12.Anything Else…it's completely up to you…

His 'friends'. I used to be accepted by them, now I'm not. [This is a major issue.] OW is accepted.

Communication is the other big issue, probably the biggest.

Finances are another big issue.

And him taking our D around the OW and playing what I like to call 'happy family'.

posted October 20, 2000 02:33 PM            

Number of years or months before discovery -H has had emotional relationship with a married co-worker for quite a few years and I found out about another woman obsessed with him in 1995 (Husband denies that this is anything to worry about, but this has been a problem for me for years).

Currently in plan A but living separate for 20 months. He's with his mother right now. I did let him move home last winter while I went elsewhere. So I was with kids in home for about half of the time and he had the home half the time. I thought of letting him move back again and I move out to housesit but not sure.

Divorce has been discussed, he is confused and I used to threaten him while we were together to get him to notice me but once we really separated I KNEW I had made a mistake.

I am trying to follow MB principles and he isn't doing anything. I've been on the forum since mid Sept. but read the book years ago.

3 Kids with me and no OC
I'm in counseling and have spoken with Dr. Harley once. Husband doesn't want to.

I am on Prozac, it does help, I've had bouts of depression off and on my whole adult life. Husband says this is part of problem.

I think he's in MLC, just wants to have fun and no more stress, responsibility etc.
No alcoholsim, no std (no PA I think)
No abuse (other that ignoring me)
No suicide
No gay/lesbian issues

posted October 20, 2000 03:19 PM            

1. One beautiful daughter (2-1/2 yrs old)
2. Both have custody
3. No pregnancy in this affair (yes in first w/ abortion)
4. No counseling (yet)
5. No medication (yet)
6. No midlife crisis, alcoholism, STD, suicide attempts, or lesbian/gay issues.

posted October 30, 2000 06:50 PM            

Very personal… Very optional…
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)
1. There are no children from this marriage; I have three grown sons from first marriage.
2. Who has physical custody? (We both love our two dogs as if they were our children … I have custody.)
3. Are there Other Children (OCs) involved (pregnancy wrt to wayward)? No
4. In counseling? W’s employer offers counseling through Employee Assistance Program. W has seen counselor to help her “deal with her guilt.” I have seen one to help me deal with the pain. I am considering contacting Harley’s.
5. On medication/anti-depressants? None yet … but I’m thinking maybe I should try St. Johns Wort since it’s over the counter and several others have mentioned it here.
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved? Possibly. W has used the following phrase several times: “I’m 46 years old and … “
7. Alcoholism involved? No
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair? Not to my knowledge
9. Abuse? No
10. Suicide attempted? No
11. Lesbian/Gay issues? No
12. Anything Else… There’s so much else to say, but that will no doubt become evident as I begin to post for advice.

posted October 31, 2000 01:50 PM            

I didn’t get a vote in the “A”. But I do in the recovery, I’ve have taken the attitude that this can’t hurt me anymore, I’m going to learn all I can about why this happens and do my damnedest to prevent future relapses. I am eager to get back to being myself.

posted November 03, 2000 08:24 PM            

Male(me)
Me 46, she 30 (I'm well preserved)
I'm betrayed( more I was the absentee husband)
married 8 years
knew each other one year before marriage (I knew on the second date I wanted her to be my wife!)
It's been one year since discovery.
PA lasted one to two months, wife pregnant by OM (conception occurred near my birthday. Nice )
This is the only affair
I am currently in plan A (Although sometimes it seems like "Plan nine from outer-space")
Have remained together, (logistically at least), throughout.
OP is divorced, no children. Wife and OM dated before our marriage, wife didn't know he was married at the time, she ended it when she found out. OM has since divorced.
OM was co-worker
Divorce only mentioned in the heat of a couple arguments.
I have been following MB, makes a lot of sense to me.
I have been lurking for a year, participating for a couple of months.
We have a seven year old girl. I have an eighteen year old boy and a sixteen year old girl by a previous marriage. (Boy is a freshman at Duke, he's scarry smart, girl is beautiful, loving, wants to be an art teacher.)
Our seven year old is a joy. She is happy, bright, beautiful, a sweet natured little girl.
My ex has physical custody of the two older kids.
My little Angel is a product of the A.
She is the happiest, sweetest little baby.
I had one session with Jennifer.
Wife had one session with Jennifer, considered her advice to sever contact with OM and take Angel to another part of the country out of the question.
Wife on Prozac.
I'm on wellbutrin and crack.(Just kidding about the crack.
I've been in mid life crisis since I was twenty one.
No alcohol,(maybe thats the problem)
No STD'S.
No abuse.
No suicide attempts.
No gay issues.(Although lately I've thought about it. Hey, it opens up your dating prospects by 100%!)

I don't mean to come across as flippant, or that I think our situations are something to joke about. I try to hold on to my sense of humor, because I had lost it and was taking myself way to seriously. I think that is part of the reason I am where I am. If someone gets a chuckle or two reading this, than I have helped in a small way, right?

God bless you all,

------------------

posted November 05, 2000 10:25 AM            

Have 2 children, girls 3&5, pregnant with boy,due 8 days ago!!!!
OC born 5/00, how A was revealed, received court papers asking for Child Support in mail.
Counseling alone/ and together.
Starting anti-depressants after birth,Prozac.
No to mid-life, alcoholism, abuse, suicide, gay/lesbian.
I tested neg to STDs. Will have H to test before we resume intimacy, not emotionally
ready yet.

At this time we are pretty much existing. I am hiding behind a wall that I have been building for about 2 months now. Therapy is on hold due to pregnancy, and the fact that I want to change therapists. H does seem sincere that he wants to work things out.

posted November 07, 2000 02:14 PM            

Personal:
1. H has 3-1 lived with us (16YO D) others are grown-none of our own.
2. H
3. No
4. It was all a lie to him.
5. none-vitamins and lots of water
6. Not sure.
7. Not alcoholism but I drink on regular outings with friends-has become an issue. I have since quit.
8. No
9. Mental on his part
10. Not an option
11. No
12. I miss the man that I thought I married. No longer want the man he has become. Still believe in marriage, just not with him. Too many lies, too much distrust. Just wish things could have been differnt.