posted March 04, 2001 12:43 PM            

Very personal… Very optional… (no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

posted March 04, 2001 02:24 PM            

2 great kids M/13 F/10
Kids w/W
In couseling separatly w/different counselors
W on anti-depresents, I'm on vitamins and St Johns Wort
W Mid life crissis
W abused alchol as way of escape and affairs

posted March 04, 2001 08:45 PM            

Very personal… Very optional…

1. 2 children of the marriage (ages 5 & 11)
2. Both have physical custody?
3. No Other Children(OCs) involved --no pregancy wrt to wayward
4. In counseling? No, we did a few sessions w/local counselor. W sees psychiatrist but not for marriage counseling.
5. On medication/anti-depressants?… W is, for bipolar. Paxil and Depakote.
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved? No.
7. Alcoholism involved? W was consuming significant quantities of alcohol at time of her A. Not alcoholic IMO, but was taking Paxil and should have been keeping alcohol intake to a minimum.
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair? No.
9. Abuse? No.
10. Suicide attempted? No, she has talked about it on occasion.
11. Lesbian/Gay issues? See # 9 above in the first section.
12. Anything Else...Mental health issues for her. Also, significant FOO issues.

posted March 13, 2001 12:30 AM            

1.## children of the marriage - H has 19 year old son who lived with us over 1/2 the time since he was 10 mos old. We also have legal custody of H's 17 y.o. niece and 15 y.o. nephew
2.All kids are living with us now.
3.No Other Children(OCs)involved
4.In counseling with Steve Harley
5.On antidepressant, Celexa (recommended by Steve Harley) H is on Serzone
6.Mid-Life Crisis involved? I believe so. OW is 26 years younger than WS, he was feeling like he'd accomplished all he'd set out to accomplish and still didn't feel happy. With OW he didn't work and didn't want any responsibility.
7.Alcoholism involved? H was sober alcoholic for almost 10 years. He began drinking about a year before the A. Partying with OW seemed to be something they shared in common.
8.Has there been STD as a result of affair? No
9.Abuse? There was verbal abuse before H moved out for about 4 months straight. OW was physically abused by her H following previous infidelities before A.
10.Suicide attempted? No. H was feeling suicidal before he moved in with OW.
11.OW claims to be bisexual
12. I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2 and 1/2 years ago. H was scared I would die and began confiding his fears to OW - this was how the EA really took off.

posted March 16, 2001 01:00 PM            

1. I am Female - H is Male (duh)
2. I am 32, H is 36
3. I am the WS
4. 4 1/2 years married
5. knew spouse 2 years before marriage
6. 11 months since I confessed
7. 5-6 months total length of the affair
8. EA turned PA
9. one
10. Currently in: Strong Recovery for 11 months
11. Living together - never left during A or after A
12. OP is: single
13. OP is: Not co-worker, met while commuting
14. Divorce was never discussed - but I thought about it
15. Following principles of: MB for 11 months
16. 11 months on the Marriage Builders forums

Very personal… Very optional…
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. No children, unless you count the OM (He was 24)
2. No OC
3. No formal counseling - read Harley books
4. No meds
5. If you can have a mid-life crisis at 32, I had one
6. Alcohol involved - but not alcholism
7. No STDs
8. No Abuse
9. Two suicide attempts by me - unsuccessful - thank God.
10. No Lesbian/Gay issues
11. History - incident occurred in the past - not abuse but similar, that could have had an impact on a lot of things - didn't deal with it very well - until the A, and everything came back to me - doing much better now.

posted March 16, 2001 02:41 PM            

2 children 9 & 11
very little counseling
alcohol initiated A
my reason? at time felt like I needed someone to "take care of me"
his reason? retaliation

posted April 14, 2001 08:05 PM            

1. Female
2. I'm 36 & my H 36
3. I'm betrayed
4. 7yrs married
5. 2yrs known before marriage
6. D-day Apr.20.2000
7. 1yr long
8. EA&PA
9. First time A
10. In recovery
11. Living together
12. OW is in process of divorce
13. OW was volleyball/drinking friend
14. No serious discussions re divorce
15. MB not agreed by H
16. About 1 year on forums

1. 2 boys (5 & 3)
2. N/A
3. N/A
4. I was in counseling for 6 months by myself, asked my H to join for a few times but the joint sessions didn't go well.
5. N/A
6. My H's MLC?
7. N/A
8. N/A
9. N/A
10. N/A
11. Not sure... probably no and it's a long story

posted April 15, 2001 04:01 PM            

Very personal… Very optional…no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. I have 1 child from previous marriage. H has no children of own.
2. I have physical custody of my child.
3. There are no other children involved.
4. We are not in counseling at this time. H went to counseling 2x after I found his personal ad, counselor told him my depression was a problem and he should consider divorcing me.
5. I was on antidepressants after finding about about EMA #1, but have stopped taking them. [RANT] I deeply distrust the long-term effects of psychotropic drugs and do not feel they have been adequately tested. There are societal implications to having so many millions of people medicated in order to function from day to day. Furthermore, the side effects really sucked. I have been on 12 different
antidepressants since age 14 and feel strongly that they are a moneymaking gimmick by the healthcare industry, and nothing but. I have had two major depressive breakdowns while on long-term meds, so that proves my point. No more!!! [/RANT]
6. H might have been having a MLC, because of his "advanced" age at our marriage and the fact that he had never been married and never left home before.
7. No alcohol involved.
8. No STD's that I know of.
9. No abuse issues.
10. No suicide attempts.
11. H's special friend from work was in a long-term lesbian relationship, but H was (by his own admission) in love with her for several years prior to his meeting me. I suspect he still carries a torch for her. She apparently broke up with her partner a few months ago and is now single. He carries an old pic of him and her hidden in his car. (I went and placed a pic of us on top of it )

It seems, in general, that my H used to idealize women that "he could not have" and it carried over into the early months of our living together and marriage. This seems to be diminishing, however, as we have built a household and raise my D together. We are much closer and happier than we were at the begining of our marriage. I am much more content and stable than at any time in my life, and I thank the many people on the board who have posted their experiences and wish everyone the best.

posted April 16, 2001 10:12 AM            

Your Age and Spouse's Age: My AGe 35 Spouse 39

Betrayed

## years married 14 yrs 4/25

## years have known spouse before marriage 5 +

## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery 6 Mos

## months total length of the affair 2+ Yrs EA 1st & then PA

## of Affairs (approximate) 1

Plan A 4 Months / Recovery 2 Months

Living together

OP is: divorced

OP is: co-worker

Has divorce been: discussed/

Following principles of: MB

## months on the Marriage Builders forums 4 Months

## children of the marriage (ages) 3 Girls 10, 8, 5

Who has physical custody? Both Parents - Still together

Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? None - Thank God for Vascetomies

In counseling? with Harley's Together

On medication/anti-depressants?? What kind? BS Yes Celexia
WS - No

Mid-Life Crisis involved? Yes

Alcoholism involved? NO

Has there been STD as a result of affair? No - Was Checked

Abuse? Minimal Verbal to BS

Suicide attempted? No

Lesbian/Gay issues? BS father is gay

Anything Else?it's completely up to you?

posted April 18, 2001 10:46 AM            

Your Age and Spouse's Age: I'm 30; H is 30

Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination): I'm the betrayed

## years married: 3

## years have known spouse before marriage: 7
## months since "discovery": I found out March 13, 2001 - 4 weeks ago

## months total length of the - Not sure.... I think 3 months

Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both: Both

## of Affairs (approximate): 1when we were engagaed, we separated, engaged again and married and now this so 2

Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months: WHO KNOWS... been in therapy since I found out March 13th and he started the next week

Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements: LIVING TOGETHER.

OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single: No idea

OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other: someone he met at a bar

Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago): hasn't been discussed

Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet: just reading and trying to get through each day

## months on the Marriage Builders forums: 1st month

## children of the marriage (ages): 0 - we were going to start trying in May but not now

Who has physical custody? N/A

Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? Not that I know of

In counseling? with Harley's/with Other?and?Alone/with Spouse: WE ARE BOTH GOING TO SAME COUNSELOR INDIVIDUALLY EACH WEEK.

On medication/anti-depressants?? What kind?: I need some but don't know how to get it

Mid-Life Crisis involved?: Who knows.... he turned 30 last week and said this was affecting him

Alcoholism involved? No

Has there been STD as a result of affair? Not that I know of but I haven't slept with him since this happened

Abuse? No

Suicide attempted? No

posted April 18, 2001 10:47 AM            

Your Age and Spouse's Age: I'm 30; H is 30

Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination): I'm the betrayed

## years married: 3

## years have known spouse before marriage: 7
## months since "discovery": I found out March 13, 2001 - 4 weeks ago

## months total length of the - Not sure.... I think 3 months

Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both: Both

## of Affairs (approximate): 1when we were engagaed, we separated, engaged again and married and now this so 2

Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months: WHO KNOWS... been in therapy since I found out March 13th and he started the next week

Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements: LIVING TOGETHER.

OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single: No idea

OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other: someone he met at a bar

Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago): hasn't been discussed

Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet: just reading and trying to get through each day

## months on the Marriage Builders forums: 1st month

## children of the marriage (ages): 0 - we were going to start trying in May but not now

Who has physical custody? N/A

Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)? Not that I know of

In counseling? with Harley's/with Other?and?Alone/with Spouse: WE ARE BOTH GOING TO SAME COUNSELOR INDIVIDUALLY EACH WEEK.

On medication/anti-depressants?? What kind?: I need some but don't know how to get it

Mid-Life Crisis involved?: Who knows.... he turned 30 last week and said this was affecting him

Alcoholism involved? No

Has there been STD as a result of affair? Not that I know of but I haven't slept with him since this happened

Abuse? No

Suicide attempted? No