posted February 12, 2000 09:56 PM            

From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.

Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.

Thank you.

------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery
and Read-Only Posts

***********************************************************************
To see an alphabetized list of respondents to this post...
...so you can find what "page" they posted to...
...and an alternative link to their "profile"...
check out===>Roll Call Index!
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I've created this post as a way to have everyone find the quick info of those regularly on the forum, and as a way to offer, to newer members, "contacts" when posting. It's use is neither for the purpose of gathering statistics… nor to divulge personal information for public use.

It is a follow-up to the Roll call: who are we? post started August 1999 (now in Read Only… where no changes allowed)

Let's keep it brief, but informative… that is the idea.

Please provide only what you deem relevant to you… and what you wish to disclose.
Don't feel you have to provide any of the information.

1. Female/Male
   
2. Your Age and Spouse's Age
   
3. Betrayed/Possibly Betrayed/Betrayer(Wayward)/OP (or any combination
   
4. ## years married
   
5. ## years have known spouse before marriage
   
6. ## months since "discovery"/Pre-discovery
   
7. ## months total length of the affair
   
8. Emotional Affair/ Physical Affair / Both EA&PA / Unknown
   
9. ## of Affairs (approximate)
   
10. Currently in: Plan A / Plan B / No Plan / Recovery /Something else AND for how # months
    
11. Living together / Living separate(# of months, w/ or w/out OP) / Other arrangements
    
12. OP is: married/divorced(or about to)/separated/single
    
13. OP is: co-worker/a friend/a relative/from Internet/Other
    
14. Has divorce been: discussed/requested(by whom)/filed(by whom)/completed(how long ago)
    
15. Following principles of: MB/Divorce Busters/Other/None yet
    
16. ## months on the Marriage Builders forums
    

Very personal… Very optional…
(no need to respond to these unless you think you want to/can help someone)

1. ## children of the marriage (ages)
   
2. Who has physical custody?
   
3. Are there Other Children(OCs) involved (pregancy wrt to wayward)?
   
4. In counseling? with Harley's/with Other…and…Alone/with Spouse
   
5. On medication/anti-depressants?… What kind?
   
6. Mid-Life Crisis involved?
   
7. Alcoholism involved?
   
8. Has there been STD as a result of affair?
   
9. Abuse?
   
10. Suicide attempted?
    
11. Lesbian/Gay issues?
    
12. Anything Else…it's completely up to you…
    

Consider putting narrative(long) descriptions in the ===>Profiles post.

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Originally posted by NSR

posted February 12, 2000 10:11 PM            

Male
Age 42... W(40)
Betrayed
12 1/2 years married
known spouse 5 years before marriage
22+ months since discovery
25+ months total length of the affair
Both an Emotional and Physical Affair
Plan A-ed... so-so from the beginning... good after finding these forums... great after session(s) with Steve Harley...
...but I entered Plan B (1/14/2001 W read the Plan B letter)
Living separate(21+ months ago... she moved out with OM)
OM has divorced ~June 2000 from his 2nd W
OM found from Internet
Divorce has been filed(by W)... counter-filed by me... she signed the last of the PSA 12/29/2000... I signed on 1/19/2001... D has been completed on March 19 (feast day of Saint Joseph... patron of fathers... I know where my duty lies)
I am following principles of MB... again, now in the tail end of Plan B
17+ months on the Marriage Builders forums

3 beautiful children (18yo stepson, 11yo boy, 9yo girl)
I have physical custody... since she left us
I had 2 counseling sessions with Steve Harley (12/99)
Using St. John's Wart only
W definitely had a Mid-Life Crisis (admits it in e-mails)

Jim / New Sun Rising

posted February 12, 2000 10:51 PM            

Would like to see both of them scooped up by the road crew here in Indianapolis as road kill...just kidding.

I am in Plan B
OW had me arrested for Harassing Communications

5'2
Blonde Hair
Blue Eyes
102 lbs ( lost 40 since discovery)

Married 11 years
Dated for 4 years
H admitted to children he is going through a mid life crisis
H admitted to me he is very confused

I still love him and would like to see us try

Figured out he has no sense, (common or fashion)

posted February 12, 2000 11:02 PM            

3 sons (10yrs, 7 1/2 yrs and almost3)
I have them but neither has filed for custody
I take St. John's Wort
no STD's
my H and OW are alcoholics
Was physically and verbally abused by my H for entire marriage. I am not trying to rebuild my marriage, but I still hang around to help others.
Have a problem with OW harassing and threatening me and children

Ok since Mental put in Physical characteristics I thought I'd come back and do the same:

5'2"
108 lbs.(Lost 22 in 6 weeks and still going)(the infidelity diet)
auburn hair for now (was blonde, then brown, next month who knows?)
blue eyes

It's sad to say but my 10 yr old son is bigger than I am and is starting to realize that too.

[This message has been edited by Mitzi (edited February 13, 2000).]

posted February 12, 2000 11:02 PM            

Female
Age 45... H is 56
Emotionally Betrayed / Possible Physical Betrayed
14 years married
knew 3 years before marriage
6 years since discovery (H in denial)
7 years total length of the affair
Emotional Affair (confirmed) and Possible Physical Affair
Currently in Plan A (off and on 3 months)...
Previous Plan A 5 years in pre-discovery (didn’t know it was called Plan A then)
Existing together in same house
Met OW at Church
OW is married
Divorce has been discussed several times thru the years
I am following principles of MB
2 months on the Marriage Builders forums
Using St. John's Wart only (thinking about using rolling pin )

Keo

posted February 12, 2000 11:45 PM            

I'm the betrayd

Married 6 years this comming June
Together 8 years

Discovered affair Oct.4 EA started Sept 15 thereabouts

W's only affair

Plan-a basicly since beginning...solidly since DEC 30..Going to plan-b Feb.15..Delivering a plan-b letter

Sep. since Nov.15

W shacks up w/OB when I have our D
OB is a 17 year old former co-worker

No discussions of divorce

Following MB principles

Member here since Nov.8

One child: 3 year old daughter
Joint custody

Counceling w/Steve Harley

Taking Wellbutrin

W and I recovering drug addicts...mental relapse for her

I'm working diligently on makeing my family whole again...

posted February 12, 2000 11:50 PM            

Male

I'm 37, my W (hopeful1771) is 29

Betrayed

Married for 7 years

We met at work about a year before we were married

14 months since "discovery"

Physical affair was one time. Emotional / Internet affairs lasted a few months.

W had Both EA&PA. I have NOT been unfaithful.

1 physical affair, at least 20 Internet relationships

W left me for six months. We are currently in Recovery

Living together

OP is single(as far as I know)

OP was a co-worker, and of another race.

My W filled out Divorce papers, but never filed. She did file a restraining order against me, and tried to have me arrested.

Following principles of MB

12 months on the Marriage Builders forums total, about 8 months posting.

1 child, 6 year old daughter

In counseling? I went when she first left, then we went together for a few months.

Has there been STD as a result of affair? Yes

Suicide attempted? Sort of, but I never pulled the trigger.

If anyone would like to talk with me, I can be reached at MB_Empty_Shell@hotmail.com

God Bless

posted February 13, 2000 12:06 AM            

* We have a gorgeous daughter who turned 8 on Feb. 11th
* When discussing divorce so far agreed that I will have physical custody
* Interviewing several counselors to chose one for individual/joint counseling.
* W suffered severe depression about 1 year ago and was on Prozac, now she's on St. John's Wort, which I also take once in a while.
* Have suggested W that her affair is also partially Midlife Crisis; sometimes she agrees.
* OP is a woman. My W had a female lover from '79 to '82, we met in '83; she is not "in love" with OP but cares for her. Also current online affair with ex-lover.

posted February 13, 2000 12:18 AM            

both me (Dylan) and my H (Deut) post here on MB.

I am female
I am 31, Deut is 29

I am the betrayed

we were 'common-law' married for 4.5 yrs.
we first dated for about a year when we were 16 and 18 yrs.

Discovery was Oct. 4 1999...got a bunch of lies first...then truth....(?)
Affair started July 1999 until end of Sept.

Deut says physical, not emotional....yeah, right....

to me, this is 2nd affair (I count an EA thru the internet in april 1998, Deut doesn't count it)

I am following plan-dylan (the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-plan)

Deut and I share a home, but have seperate rooms...roomates with fringe benefits

I verbally ended our marriage, and told him that a new relationship was a possibility, but we should start at square one....he says he wants to win me back...

the ?$? &^@@^& ^?&@$&!!!!! OW was a 38 yr. old, hellium, silicone-filled blonde 'porn star' bimbo who lives a primarily lesbian lifestyle (she is obviously not a successful lesbian), who contracted Deut to do some handy man work at her place (and boy! was he ever handy!!)

Since Mental (((((Nancy)))) gave a description;
5'3"
deep auburn long hair (natural is greying rapidly lately)
green eyes
big circles under my eyes
too thin (or so I've been told)

frequenting MB since november 17. 1999

an almost 4 yr. old....who displayed some disturbing behaviours during Deut's affair...(we should discuss the impact on the younger kids)and a 9 yr. old stepson

we also have a crazy ex wife to contend with, so feel free to broach me on the whole 2nd wives club thing...

no meds, but I have been known to drool obsessively while glancing over at a left-over bottle of ativan (anyone know the shelf life of ativan??)

counselling to start feb 16...

too much going on right now...Deut's infidelity and the unresolved feelings about it are being pushed under the proverbial carpet in order not to let life rip us apart...

e-mail at: sacred_rain@yahoo.com

[This message has been edited by soulloss (edited February 13, 2000).]

posted February 13, 2000 12:42 AM            

* struggling with dealing with stress caused by family/friends due to this affair. Looking forward to findly letting go of the yicky feelings, building a new relationship and eventualy forgiving H.
BECCA

posted February 13, 2000 12:56 AM            

Discovery was mid-May. Had been emotional and 1 time physical. We went to joint counseling 1 time and w told me she was seeing a lawyer for divorce. We then started seeing another counselor, made a total of 3 visits and I found out she was still having contact with om. I told her she couldn't live here and date and she ran me over leaving. She moved out on 7-2-99 and om moved in a few weeks later. She started divorce papers.
OM dumped her(publically at their workplace)
in Sept. We tried to reconcile. Went to counselor 3 more times. On my birthday she told me she and om were back together. I restarted divorce papers. Papers were filed 12-1-99 and we were divorced on 2-1-00.

I started taking St John's Wort which I thought helped but switched to celexa(anti-dep) prior to the holidays. X is on some sort of anti-dep. Says it helps her like herself now. Must be one hell of a drug!