posted August 06, 2000 01:50 PM            

From Tempest...
I would just like to post a caution here. While we do try very, very hard to make these forums a 'safe haven' for all forum participants, we have had occasional incidences where participants have been followed here and bothered by individuals they know in real life. If you are planning to post a profile containing any kind of personal information anywhere, keep in mind that anyone can read anything posted on the forums and in user profiles.

Try not to publicly post any personally identifiable information if you have any kind of concern about anyone reading your posts/profiles and knowing it is you. This caution is meant solely for your own protection.

Thank you.

------------------
Tempest, Moderator
Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums:
General Questions II, Just Found Out...,
Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery
and Read-Only Posts

***************************************************************************

Update your stories here!
With a new reply... or "edited" reply.
***************************************************************************

This should be any free form description of "Your Story"...

Recommendations...
1. Please... Do NOT make one long paragraph... (for readability)
2. Don't just list facts... (that is what Roll Call is for.)
3. Update "Your Story" frequently!
4. Take the caution that Tempest made seriously!

***********************************************************************

There are other useful threads that give...
1. e-mail addresses ...E-mail Exchange
2. roll call facts (28 general questions) ...Roll Call
...and...
3. one that ties all 3 together ...Roll Call Index

I (OneGoing) volunteer to keep the information in this thread synchronized with the Roll Call Index for an alphabetical lookup... "to the closest page"... like the Roll Call references.

--------------------------------------------

Originally posted by NSR

posted August 06, 2000 02:00 PM            

When she moved out... she deceived me into giving her money to get set up in an apartment and said no one else was moving in... while all the time she & OM planned to and did co-sign the lease.

She has every other weekend visitations... this is what we verbally agreed to... and for a while we had many disagreements on it... and I expect minor problems to continue.

I feel that the kids needed to be protected from the immorality of the OM... in the understanding of their morals and truth.

I have had virtually No Contact with my W... as e-mails can only pertain to kids (court ruling)... and on pick-up/drop-off, she doesn't come into the house any more... so absolutely no descernable progess.

I had moved to a more "pure" Plan A after speaking with Steve Harley 12/28/99.
But my W (starting in 12/1999) has been trying to expedite the divorce...
...but disagreements were causing it to stretch out.

She got one restraining order (no overnights with OM) lifted on 1/8/2000.

We had a court mandated "mediation" review on 2/29/2000...
...this failed miserably(she will not abide by any of the PSA... wants no money set aside for children!)...
A first Trial date was set for June 5/6... and she didn't show.
A second Trial date for August 7... (court postponed)
A third Trial date for October 10... it was changed to a "Case Management Conference"...
...and on this date my W was told she would not get her way in keeping money from the kid's education fund...
...and with that... we settled out of court... or so I thought...
...we had a Case Management Conference on 12/20/2000... but she didn't show... again...
The last sticking point was that she would not agree to raise the kids in the faith the kids, I and her grew up in. She wants to start raising them in the faith of her paramour...
...but... she finally gave in and signed the last papers 12/29/2000...
...and sent in the papers 1/12/2001...

I e-mailed my Plan B letter...
...and she read it(them) 1/14/2001...

I signed the PSA 1/19/2001...

So... the court date on March 19 (feast day of Saint Joseph)... has drawn the divorce to an end.

She'll still have to account for Social Security money (~$35,000) she took from her son's (my stepson's) benefits... but that will be handled now outside of the divorce.

Relatively new fact (Aug 2000)... my stepson's Biological Father(BF) has just recently tried to make contact with him... much to the disapproval of his mom (my stbx W.)
This is causing lots of problems as well.
I have had many discussion with the BF...
...and W's treatment of him... parallels her treament of me to a "T".
...she has not grown...
So much I have found out about her...
...leads me to believe she is a lost soul...

I have come to terms with Plan B.

I still envision not the divorce but an "annulment"...
...as my final step.

--------------------------------------------

... I spend most my time on the "D/D", "Just found out...", "Plan A / Plan B" and "GQII" forums.

Jim / New Sun Rising

posted August 06, 2000 04:51 PM            

Married 15 years, together 20 years. H is a professional musician and student, I am an engineer. We have no childen together. H is 46 and I am 45.

H had a PA/EA with OW #1 in 1991, left me for OW #1. While H was out, cheated on OW #1 with OW #2 (one night stand) and got her pregnant. Then H got OW #1 pregnant eleven mos later. (2 OCs, both boys)

Both OW admitidly got pregnant deliberately, OW #2 to further her welfare benefits (mother of 4, all diff dads), OW #1 to seek revenge on OW #2 and to try to snag my H.

H and I reconciled but he only disclosed existence of OW #2's child. Found out about OW #1's child later thru investigation. We stayed together and BY HIS CHOICE and our mutual agreement H did not participate in either OC's lives as both OWs are very bad news. (OW #1 a IV drug user/in & out of jail and OW #2 a bar fly, Fruit Loop, and abusive person)

Flash forward 8 years later, H starts secretly seeing OCs, he finally tells me. August 2nd 99'I'm diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer. September 1, 1999 (14th wedding anniversary) H tells me the marriage is over and he wants to leave but we stay together. I start Plan A. Then in late October 99' I confront H with suspicions of affair with OW #2, he admits it, we still stay together.

H is completely indifferent to my health. Tells me to have someone else help me with treatments. H acts very thoughtless and uncaring, just terrible.

For seven months I Plan A my heart out. I welcome OCs into our home and love them. H continues PA/EA with OW #2. I listen to H pager voicemails, OW leave several msgs daily. H does not know I have the PIN.

Early December 99' OW #2 starts leaving horrid, abusive and vulgar msgs on answering machine. OW is very angry because H hasn't left me and takes her hatred of H out on me. I ask H to please tell her to stop the msgs.

In December 99' H says A is over, but investigation tells me different (continue to listening to OW's voice pages). I continue to Plan A and counseling.

Late February early March 2000', I am told I'm in remission but still at risk.

April 2000' H is still heavily involved with OW, and from Dec 1999 - June 2000 OW leaves harassment msgs on answering machine.

I give my H a loving ultimatum, end the A or leave. H left on April 29 2000'. Moves into motel. H calls me on every conceivable phone I have and emails me, I don't respond. H leaves sad emails and phone msgs wanting contact. Out of love and missing H I allow him contact, but he then repays my reciprocation by moving in w/OW which he promised he would not do.

June 6, 2000, H finally gets his own place. I allow H contact but this is just another scenario of H having his cake and eating it too.

July 17th 2000, H lands a day/conventional job with the City of Tacoma as their Cisco Network Admin.

August 1st 2000, I take OW to court on anti-harassment order in attempt to defuse her abuse, and I win. H tells me he supports me in doing this. Now OW is REALLY angry!

August 12th 2000', I visit H at his new place and deliver BDay (Aug 10th) presents. From here on and for a term I am not going to allow contact from H, my health is suffering (Plan B implemented).

H does not want a divorce, H does not want to marry OW. H tells me every time we talk or email he loves me and misses me.

When asked if there is any hope for us and our marriage, H responds "I don't know".

I continue to see OC #1. He spends week-ends with me.

October 2000', I hear from SIL and she tells me H says OW has a BF. Next day H calls me and says he wants a D. Hmmmmmmm. Says OW is presuring him, that she is angry w/me about filing an AHO on her. H says he has to do it (D). I tell him it's not what I want, and he should be making such important decisions on his own, not coerced or pressured by anyone. Back to Plan B.

H files in December, on my BDay. H has me served in late December (very stressful Holidays for me). I retain an attorney.

I continue Plan B, altho there has been a small degree of contact after I learned of the filing (no LBs). H still has his own place. OW is on Welfare, and will lose it if she moves in w/H.

June 13th 2001', H and I are D. I continue to participate in OC #1's life, he's very dear to me. I'm blessed to have him in my life.

Late July 2001', H contacts me. H says he doesn't feel love like he use to, not like he loves me, not like we loved one another. He broke down and cried and so did I.

H says he has no future plans of marrying OW, says he doesn't love her like he did me. I suspect OW has something else in mind, she is very manipulative. She may use the "I'll boink someone else if you don't marry me" thing again. It worked when she wanted him to leave me and when she wanted him to D me. We'll see.

Sept 2001', OW starts school. A suspected ploy for H's benefit.

I am very sad, I still love my H.

I believe I will never see or talk to my H ever again, it's too too hurtful for me.

As of July 2001' still cancer free and physically I'm one healthy unit. Altho emotionally I am devistated.

There you have it.

Jo

posted August 06, 2000 11:28 PM            

W came to me in Nov saying she didn't think she loved me anymore. We agreed to work things out, but did no actual work.

W asked for divorce after weekend in Vegas 7/1/00.

Found pictures of W and OM on 7/4.
Discovery one week later. E-mail love letters. Damn this internet sucks sometimes!

W has filled out papers, but is waiting to file. She's moving out on 8/11...yes, one day after our anniversary. Incidentally, we married on my birthday!

W is entering therapy on 8/25. Trying to sort out her feelings for OM and me. OM is old hs flame/unrequieted love. He's married, but not happily.

Until then, I'm house-sitting for a friend, and struggling through Plan B.

One daughter, age 11. BF left town when she was born and has been gone ever since. I'm the only person she has ever thought of as "dad."

W came from an abusive household, and had just left and extremely abusive relationship when I met her.

posted August 07, 2000 10:11 AM            

[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited September 13, 2000).]

posted August 07, 2000 07:21 PM            

Ended by their boss May 31st, 2000 altho H says it was over for him long before this--ex-OW just wouldn't let go and he didn't know how to detach her without hurting her...

H was relieved! He dropped contact with her like a hot potatoe and dedicated himself to making me happy, he said. I still didn't know about the A then.

D-day: April 3rd, 2000...note that this is 4 days after their boss told them that they had to stop or she would tell their spouses. But the OW's H was told by a co-worker of his about the A and arranged a big blowout meeting at his house. Me, the boss, OW and my H.

At the meeting I told my H to pack his bags and I kicked him out. After he left, I went to the bank and divided our assets 50/50, changed my account beneficiary and PIN numbers. Was ready to sign those divorce papers!

But then I spoke to my confidant, who happens to also be my SIL, and she persuaded me to hear my H out..and they both convinced me to postpone the divorce, give him a 2nd chance and see if we couldn't salvage our marriage first.

Recovery began: April 5th, 2000...H arranged our first MC session and she said I needed to let him come home. But my heart wasn't in it. It took a while to unfreeze my heart.

He still works in same building with ex-OW. He goes to extreme lengths to avoid her and all his other co-workers aide him as much as they can in his recovery mission. She once contacted him to tell him she was considering another job. He responded with a "no contact" letter and told her to "go for it"! BUT, she's still there. Gosh, do you think she was just testing him?!

In recovery! 1 year and going strong.
Married 14yrs. in June...
No children...

In Vitro is now in the works as of this update.

We had Steve Harley phone sessions but stopped after about $400.00's worth. I got frustrated that he wasn't validating my concerns, was too slow for my patience, etc. But really, he didn't do anything wrong, it's just the work I needed to do isn't covered in SAA or the MB principles. It was more "me" and attitude work.

We made a mission out of our recovery and after a few bumps, some enlightenment for me, and the steadfastness of my H--I'd have to say we're one of those "success" stories--with an ex-OW still in the picture--ala` lostva! Thanks a million--love ya, Lori!

Ex-OW's H (amend that--her ex-H as they are now divorced) still hates my H. In the past OW's H had cussed-out and made manydeath threats--in person and on our answering machine, stared him down or made obscene gestures, swearing at him in public, wrote a nasty letter telling him he would start a smear campaign saying my H was molesting our niece, once pointed to my H and said to his own kids "That's the man your mommy wants to f***"...Pure evil.

This has all toned down quite a bit in the past year and a half, thank you, God! But there are occasional flare ups when he crosses paths with my H.

Biggest obstacle of mine was the continued work situation and how "I let" this proximity actually prolong my personal recovery period.

H would not consider quitting for someone as insignificant to him as ex-OW for a job that he loves so much. It took me a long time to understand this instead of feeling that he valued his job more than our love. For a long time the resentment and insecurity I felt was huge. It still surfaces from time to time in a much smaller degree but I am very reassured that my H is no longer in any fog or affair mode.

Ex-OW won't quit. Is still waiting for my H to "come back" to her. Tho she was the one who went after my H from the beginning. We learned she had a new boyfriend earlier this year while seperated from her H (tho she once told me she and my H were "soulmates" and she would never love another!) Fickle thing, those soulmates!

I no longer have routine communication with ex-OW and her ex-H (I did for about 5 months after d-day). While I was in contact with her she started to see the reality of our recovery and that truth got too depressing for her so she stopped talking to me. I was trying to befriend her (as she said my H was her "best friend") but her true agenda was to continue her ties to my H thru me. I learned a BS cannot befriend the OP because the OP will always be in their "fog".

But I do wave at ex-OW and her ex-H whenever we cross paths, which is almost daily. I do wish them happiness and a more positive life. I consider them to be "relationship-challenged." Too bad they didn't make use of the "Surviving An Affair" book I had given both of them one week after D-day.

I forgive them. But I am still tempted to smack 'em upside the head when they still occasionally try to sabotage our marriage and recovery!

The other day I ran into a lady who briefly dated the ex-OW's H while they were still only seperated (he did this in retaliation, I guess). Anyway, I chatted her up and after she left, I started grinning uncontrollably. I had just had a conversation with my husband's ex-girlfriend's ex-husbands' ex-girlfriend! I think I just made the Guinness Book of World Records for ridiculousness!

I feel quite strong now. The triggers are rare and very mild. My H is an expert at reassuring and depositing love units. And our communication skills are better than ever. And having a sense of the ridiculous has helped us tremendously!

Twyla gave me this idea of the 1-10 scale. Before the A--our marriage was about an "9" on the 1-10 scale. Now it's a 20! My relationship with my H is everything I've ever wanted in a marriage. We've reached a level of honesty and intimacy that I once thought was a myth.

I never imagined I would ever again go to sleep or wake up in the morning and not feel the terrible weight of the betrayal. But then I one day I did. And still continue to do so.

The oldtimers' used to say, things will get better--you can have a marriage you will be proud of--you can be happy again. I used to wail, "WHEN?!" But at somepoint I stopped wailing and started empowering myself--and I'll be darned if they weren't 100% right!

I know that if this ever happens again, I know I will be ok--cause I know what my needs are, and I know what I can and cannot tolerate. And better still, so does my H!

God and this forum have brought me this strength. I have peace and contentment in my soul. And I am thankful a thousand times over in my heart for it. Thank you, friends!

Aloha nui,

Leilana

No rain, no rainbows

posted August 07, 2000 08:53 PM            

Been coming here for over 2 yrs, an active poster for the past 18 months.

I am 45 now, married 17yrs, 2 great kids, 16 and 14. H had an internet EA for 2+ yrs, finally went to PA. After many separations and reconciliation attempts, (plan A), I finally went to plan B in June 99. Filed for divorce Nov 99, and divorced Jan 00.

I believe strongly in the MB principles, and had x wanted to, I would have worked on anything to save our marriage. I finally fell out of love for him and when he would not give up OW, I had to move on.

I have found out recently that my x and the OW are no longer seeing each other. I hope he finds the happiness he was missing with me.

My life is going well, now, the pain has subsided for the most part. I met up with an old friend of mine recently and we are dating now.

Divorce is very hard on all. If I could, I would have been more in tune with my X, andtried to meet his needs better. Upon discovery of the affair, I truly tried, but he was not interested.

I know I will have a full life, different than what I had planned, but I have grown from this experience and want to share my life someday with another. I hope we all find the happiness we deserve!!!

posted August 08, 2000 02:42 AM            

3 kids, blended family--only 1 lived with us, our now 5-year-old son. That is another story, long and sad, further complicates marriage.

A lot of our history is too confidential to put on this forum due to the sensitive nature of our professions, but I will put it this way: initially we seperated geographically, but not maritally, because of conflicts in careers.

I was stationed on west coast, he went to a six-month-school on the east coast. We intended to be stationed together when he got out of school. Lot of fights about that, where are we going to be stationed, depends on how he does in school, ect.

I meet him for Thanksgiving 98 in St. Louis. He is acting funny, but we seem to resolve differences, sleep together, ect.

Christmas 98: he comes to Seattle to be with me. Won't look at me, touch me, picks fights with me. Day after Christmas, asks for a divorce. I am freaked out, but say ok, if that's what you want, I'll let it happen, no tears.

Comes time for me to get orders to new duty station, January 99. The army is waiting for him to get his paperwork in so that we can be stationed together (thinking that we should at least be close for kid's sake, even if one of us has to live in the barracks.) He drags his feet for a couple of weeks, then says no way. He screams at me to stay out of his life. I get orders to 2nd Infantry Division, remote tour, Korea, will not see him or the kids for a year. I am mad--I say "I told you so, thanx."

Week later, he calls and says he has orders to Japan "Can you change your orders to come with me, please, honey?" I am really mad--it's impossible at this point.

Week later, I call him and ask how the D is going. He says "Divorce? What are you talking about? So you want a divorce, huh?" We fight. I tell him that he is acting weird.

I call again. "What is taking so long? Thought you wanted a divorce. If you are going to do it, do it, so that I won't have to fight with you from Korea. And I want to get on with my life."

He says "Why can't we just get a separation?" (#1 Big Clue) I say "Either I am married or I am not married. I am not the one who needs to "think about things."

During this time, our son is in and out of developmental peds; there is "something not quite right" with him. Discover that he has either a high-functioning autism or has been severely tramatized (gee, I wonder why.) He is four and still not toilet trained. Has extreme psychotic behavior. My command tells me that I cannot leave my son this way to go to Korea.

I call my husband to give him the news. He shouts "Oh, thank God! Please get out of the army. I love you and I want to work things out with you!" I tearfully and happily agree.

Calls me a few days later and says "What have you done to our son? Can't I trust you to take care of him" (He had just been sent the doctor's report.)

Calls me a week later and says "Uh, I have been thinking. We can live together, but I don't want a relationship with you." I am super mad! He is pussyfooting around and I have no idea why! I tell him to forget it, I will leave the kid with my mom, go to Korea, stay in the army.

Comes to my house two weeks later on his way to Japan. (Can I stay at YOUR house? and I say "Well, duh, why are you asking me a question like that? It's your house, too?)

Him and me and all three kids--it's a goatrope of fighting and crying as he does his best alternately pick fights/ignore me. I find condoms in his back pack (doesn't need them with me) her phone number in his address book, and many rendezvous with "M" recorded in his dayplanner. He tells me that I am rude to snoop. I dismiss this all as nothing.

I still get blamed for our son's diagnosed handicap. A couple nights into the visit, he comes to bed, makes love to me. I was estatic--I figured all was resolved. Nope.

He moves out, into a hotel, and tells me he's only interested in seeing his son, and that's his only purpose for coming home.

He comes back, Easter morning, takes me out to breakfast, and says "Please get out of the army and come with me. At least for the kid's sake." (Well, duh.) He moves back in. We resume sexual contact. Sometimes we have fun and enjoy each other, sometimes he is still hostile.

I gather my command together to give them them my final decision. Husband is consulted, officer to officer. My CO asks him if I were to be released from the army, does that mean that he would not go through with divorce? Husband says no, not necessarily. I am very angry at this point, with the going back and forth. Husband says it's my fault, because I am a risk to his career due to my "emotional nature." (We have been in trouble before, for fighting, and having the MP's called on us, ect.)

We talk, and we finally decide that it's best that I get out of the army--but according to him, it's for the kids. I am also doing it to be with my husband, but I am not getting a warm and fuzzy. However, we are finally sleeping together and living in the same household, I am not going to squabble about it. He goes to Japan. I am to follow.

He gets an apartment in Japan, sets up the household. Then he is supposed to go back for another school on the e coast.

We communicate through e-mail, every letter is signed, 'I love you.' I am going through the process of getting out of the army--very, very, very painful for me, because I love my career so much.

Suddenly, the I love you's stop. He stops writing, stops calling. He meets me at the airport on the way back from his school to escort me to Japan. He treats me as if he all-out abhors me.

We get to the new house. I am estatic--the house is beautiful and I am full-time mom, for the very first time in my life. He is rude, angry, and brooding. I find a picture of his girlfriend while cleaning the house. I confront him. He says they are just friends.

I find more pictures. He says "WE are just REALLY good friends." I find e-mail from other people alluding to "his girl in DC." I confront him, and he tells me to mind my own business. Says there was definately no sexual contact with her.

He is partying every weekend, drinking heavily (these things he never did before) and gets up in the middle of the night to go on-line (you know, eastern time back in the states.)

He is then deployed out on ship--deployment is to last 3 months. While he is gone, I find their chat files while I am fixing the PC--more than a year's worth. I tell him what I find. He is very wrathful that I have been into his things. He voluntarily extends his tour on ship for another three months. We e-mail every day and discuss the EA.

He had met her on-line in Oct 98. He told her initially that he was separated from me in order to keep her friendship. He fessed up when it became "real." She is married, too, and lives two hours from his school. They dated up until he saw me at Christmas 98. The sex began shortly after I got orders to Korea, mid-January 99, and continued for about six weeks. She left her husband and got an apartment for the two of them. He decided not to live with her, can't do it to the kids. She's mad. He breaks it off at the point where he leaves for home, but wants to keep the relationship going. He then resumed marriage with me, didn't talk to her for a month until he got to Japan. He restarted cyber relationship with her, including sex. Also began cyber relationships with a few others, cybersex trade and that sort. A lot of porn on the computer, some of which he generated himself. He actually met one of his cybersex partners in person in St Louis, I don't know what happened in that meeting.

I left Japan to come home for a court hearing for children, decided to stay here with my parents after being decieved and cheated on. Husband has since admitted to the full monty. Says he doesn't blame me for wanting to stay, says he screwed me over bigtime. I tried to go back to Japan as soon as he came off ship, but no success getting a military flight out. He will have to come get me if he wants me. So far, he hasn't made a move. Says he still loves me very much, and will continue to do so, even if we divorce.

Divorce is imminent. He must give up the house and move into the barracks soon, and I must get a job. I have one lined up at a Idaho sheriff's department. Mountain search and rescue. I must move up to the mountains with kids, and it will be hard.

posted August 08, 2000 08:45 AM            

I am 34yo and H 29yo, we are married 3y in september. We have a 1yo baby boy.

Our problems began when we got married, b/c we cannot find things to do together. I used to go to my parents very frequently (as i grew up in a very close family) and H hated that, began to withdrawal. I began to feel that i couldn't live that way anymore and began to LB.

posted August 08, 2000 02:51 PM            

me 39
h just turned 40 major midlife?????
3 kids 17,13,11

found out about affair in jan 2000
h told me he is not in love with me (famous line)
thought was a friend, duhhhhhhh
h said he just kissed her, nothing else ea??? i think more to it. h says he is in love with her

since then have been through the emotional roller coaster and then some

h moved out of house in july 2000

comes back almost everyday to see kids
makes a point of telling me he is going out with friends
h is hanging out with 20 something year olds
ow is 27 lives at home, no responsibilities

we in the meantime have all the responsibilities of kids, mortgage, car payment, ect. older son ready to go to college.

right now i am at the point of taking care of myself. going back to school and not worrying about what my h is doing. I do not contact him unless it is an emergency with the kids. he calls everyday and talks with the kids and then will usually ask to talk to me. talk about nothing specific, can't get to emotionally connected to me.

i would like to save my marraige, but h's attitude is we are getting a divorce. tells me all the time that he does not want anything to do with me. but right now we can't get a d because of finances.

so i guess i am in a kind of limbo. not sure of what to do, but know that i do need to take care of myself and kids.

posted August 09, 2000 06:15 PM            

35yrs/H 34yrs

married 16yrs.....dated 1yr, engaged 1yr. Married when my H was 3 days out of high school.

Discovery of EA/PA 2months ago
length of above.....4months, stopped completely 2wks before telling me. H and OW agreed it could not go on any longer.

This was his only affair and I am blessed to say we are in recovery, living together and communicating more now than we have in many years. Divorce is NOT an option. We will do what it takes to completly recover.

OW is divorced with 4 children and has been my best friend for 19yrs.

We have 4 children 14, 13, 7 and 4. All who do not know anything about what has happened. It is so important to us to keep them protected from all of this. They see us very happy now and working on our marriage.

We have read the book His needs Her needs and have really been able to talk things out. We are counselling with some people in out church and are accountable to them. We are both in a class called Cleasing Streams and are getting much out of it. I took this class in durning the time of the A and am taking it a second time with my H. About the time the A started is when I felt it was important to start reading The Power of a Praying Wife. All along knowing something wasn't right but just praying for H.

OW because we have be friends for yrs. and are kids have grown up together puts an interesting twist into all of this. We don't want to tear the kids apart. So we have chosen distance and when explained to the older ones we have told them OW and I are seeing things very differantly right now. They have been able to let it go and just pray. Problems come when kids want to spend the night with each other and all I can do is see her face.

My H and I have worked through much garbage the last few months. I'm not saying we are done but each day is getting easier.(I have spent the last 6 1/2yrs in depression and 9months out)There are ALOT of old habits to break.

I know the time is coming when I am going to be faced with working things out with OW. I'm not to willing to let a 19yr friendship go down easily. I feel as if I am breaking new ground!!! Even wanting to be friends with her again but yet I can imagine my life without her.

YES, I have forgiven both them with a measure of grace I never thought was possible. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life!!! I am thankful to my God who has been walking side by side with me, without Him I wouldn't be where I am right now. Passionately in love with my H.

I have been on this board only 2 days but feel much support here.

I'm praying for the people God brings to my mind and if God brings me to your mind please pray.