posted November 13, 2000 03:17 PM            

The following is a series of threats to you and others that result from having an affair. I got it from the book "I Will Never Leave You" by Hugh and Gayle Prather. Though I disagree with a lot of what the book says, this list was the reason I cut off contact with him, and it continues to give me strength when I am feeling weak. It is meant to be read out loud, insert names as necessary.

your position in the world
a) Affairs demean my role in the world.
b) Through them, I teach that commitment is a worthless value.
c) I teach that risking another's happiness can increase one's own.
d) I teach that we are not connected and that we can think and act without affecting each other.
e) If my affairs end in divorce, I will complicate my own life and diminish the lives of (spouses involved and all children involved, and other person).
f) This waste may be the only real inheritance I leave behind, if I continue making infatuation my guide.

your children
g) Affairs risk the happiness and security of (all children involved), with which they trust to me.
h) Through nothing (children) have done, affairs risk scrambling and entangling their lives at a time when their lives should be simple.
i) Whether discovered or not, affairs remove me spiritually from my children and diminish, if not destroy, my position as their example and teacher.
j) Affairs implant a pattern of betrayal, noncommitment, and lovelessness that would have its effect on (children)'s future relationships, including those with their children.

your partner
k) Affairs remove me from the path that (spouse) and I had meant to walk.
l) They risk abruptly throwing (spouse) into humilitating and chaotic circumstances, a blow from which he or she may never fully recover.
m) They threaten to throw (spouse) into pain, confusion, anger, cynicism, and protracted suffering.
n) They threaten (spouse)'s mental and physical health.
o) The risk the loss of our mutual friends.
p) They risk changing forever the relationship that (spouse) and I have with our in-laws and family members.
q) They risk changes to our shared income, standard of living, occupations, and future prospects.
r) I am the one person in the world with whom (spouse) has chosen to remain. This trust would be betrayed.
s) If I now fail to attend to my own healing, I risk the possibility that (spouse)'s life, my life, OP's life, and the lives of(all children and other spouse's involved) will be rewritten as tragedies.

your core
t) Affairs are acts of extreme insensitivity that diminish me spiritually.
u) They split my mind between the single purpose of oneness and the scattered goals of indulgence.
v) They make smallness the defining characteristic of my self-image.
w) They raise the physical body to a position of control it is incapable of assuming, thus leaving me without control.
x) They delay, and can even end, the possibility of my experiencing enduring love withing this lifetime.
y) Until I question the value of betrayal, I will not feel a guiding presence in my life.
z) In the world's balance between awakening and sleeping, affairs add my life to the dream of loveless isolation.