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 Marriage Builders Discussion Forums
 Divorcing/Divorced
 Mind my own business????
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| Author | Topic: Mind my own business???? |
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gsd Member |
posted January 28, 2001 03:34 PM
  
Would you tell a friend if you thought they were treading on dangerous relationship territory? My roommate has developed a close friendship with a girl at work who is recently married but is unhappy. The story is her H stays out on the weekends and doesn't pay the bills. At any rate, he likes her a lot, but claims that he doesn't want to break up their marriage; he isn't "going there." My opinion is that he is already there. This hits home with me because the same thing happened to me--my ex developed a "friendship" with another girl. She calls him all the time and she comes over occasionally. He knows all about my situation inside and out and how it made me feel. Is it my place to tell him what I think about it, or MMOB?? IP: Logged |
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GnomeDePlume Member |
posted January 28, 2001 03:40 PM
If I were in your shoes, I would tell him. [This message has been edited by GnomeDePlume (edited January 28, 2001).] IP: Logged |
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Sisyphus Member |
posted January 28, 2001 05:09 PM
Tell him you're sure he's helping her, but that a pro (preferably a woman) might be able to do even better for her--he should get her to one and then butt out! IP: Logged |
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Survivor [aka_NoTrust] Member |
posted January 28, 2001 05:33 PM
Yes, I would tell the friend that his relationship with this married woman is inappropriate. The married woman should be confiding in her H...NOT your friend. IP: Logged |
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Nellie1 Member |
posted January 28, 2001 07:58 PM
I think too many people "mind their own business" and look the other way when there is infidelity. I believe there would be a lot less infidelity if there were a lot more disapproval. I definitely think you should tell him. IP: Logged |
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rich1959 Member |
posted January 28, 2001 09:23 PM
I think you should tell him to stay out of their business - try and make her see that she should be seeing a professional. This is exactly the way so many affairs begin. One spouse starts to confide personal information about problems they may be having within their marriage. Next thing you know they have crossed the line. IP: Logged |
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rjs Member |
posted January 29, 2001 12:30 AM
I agree with Richard, usually things start like this. I had a conversation with my auntie today saying mixed friendships are fine. It is usually the woman who calls the shots. In the case of my H she made the advance and he took the advantage. Opps and affair, she is declaring her love. (But we are only friends!!!!!!) No knowing what I know now I would never hesitate in the future to warn others where the friendship may lead. At least warn them of the signs, and when friendship is something else. You tell him IP: Logged |
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gsd Member |
posted January 29, 2001 09:13 AM
Thanks for the advice. I think I will say something. I just don't want to come across like a know it all or something. IP: Logged |
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Paul Moyers Member |
posted January 29, 2001 10:11 AM
gsd, my W says one of her best friends is her best friend because she does not interfere or judge her when she does something. Good or Bad. My take? If she were a real friend, especailly best friend, she would be the first to come down on her. Friends care for friends that way and don't want to see them in situations that are unhealthy. A friend that sits idle isn't a friend I would want. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Sisyphus Member |
posted January 29, 2001 10:25 AM
quote: A friend will judge your act, but not you--and apply correction when needed. But a real friend also will not hang around when you're going wrong, because your friend is a good person and needn't hang around with a person who is doing bad things. Who your "friends" are is a good way to tell who you are right now. IP: Logged |
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Keridwen7 Member |
posted January 29, 2001 11:32 AM
gsd, OK, you've gotten great advice here and I would take it were I you. Just to throw my story in the pot...My ex had his affair start in much the same way. He's away from home and lonely, pitiful woman with awful marriage confides in him. Before you know it she's telling him she's in love with him and BANG! my marriage falls apart. They were "just friends" too. In fact, I even felt funny about this whole situation long before the affair started, but I "trusted " my H and didn't say anything. I wish now I had. Maybe I could have stopped it before it ever started. ------------------ Keridwen_7@yahoo.com IP: Logged |
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Paul Moyers Member |
posted January 29, 2001 12:19 PM
Touche' Sisyphus Touche' especially the last sentence. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Jayhawk 93 Member |
posted January 29, 2001 12:54 PM
gsd, Just take the high road on this one. Knowing what you have gone through and the similarities here, just explain that you are "sensitive" to this sort of thing right now and that you don't mind to be butting in, but you are concerned. If your roommate is a rational person, he will understand. And no, I don't think you should mind your own business in this case. - Jayhawk IP: Logged |
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