posted March 26, 2001 08:11 AM            

As to why the parking lot encounter rankled a little ... well this is the family where in anger the XBIL gave the XFIL an impromptu ride on the hood of his Volvo, and XFIL would no longer be with us except for the steel of his grip and the sturdiness of Volvo windshield wipers ... same XBIL in young adulthood slammed XW into a stair rail hard enough to knock the wind out of her. He provides the most colorful examples, but most of 'em are like that--including XW. And XFIL continues to set the same example that made all the kids that way. So forgive me if I'm a little leery about going about my business--owing to XW's unpredictability.

New GF and I had a great weekend. Bought a bike ... took another bike back ... bought another bike ... took the first-bought bike back ... bought yet a third bike ... all of this to complete the replacement of two bikes that were stolen and rid ourselves of a lemon we bought last week.

It was a little like life and relationships, minus the emotional toll.

And in the end, we have all of what we need and most of what we want, perhaps a little less than the flash of some of the more exotic models, but more substance than the sub-par ones where the welds disintegrate and the company's web page has almost as many CPSC recalls as they have models in their product lineup (think Magna).

To get there, we had to go to a lot of different stores (Targets mostly) shop a little harder, hale clerks into bike departments to scour backroom stock for the model we were after (a Pacific Elite, in case anyone is interested http://www.pacific-cycle.com/bikes/adult/index.html -- we got last years model and this years' model in two different colors so we wouldn't be exact twins).

In the end, if I don't get the things I'm after I suppose I will get a replacement title, and engage in a little extra-judicial self help by forging her signature on it, and I'll file separately for the '99 1040, in violation of the pre-nup, then go on about my business and let the chips fall where they may--counting on the CD-RW to protect me.

I'm hardly obsessed. New GF knows that, but she also knows there are freshly-healed scars that sometimes tear open a little, or itch, or have phantom painful sensations and unpredictable times. She knows she has to live with that, just as I have to live with some of the things that make up her past and have formed her personality. And she likes MarriageBuilders, but feels that in getting on here she might invavde my privacy--and I've done my best to dissuade her from that view, so one day she may show up.

And for those who fear for GF; I say to you that in finding new GF, I had the luxury of udate.com's matching algorithms on dozens of salient characteristics, and it would appear that they did the job. Things may seem rushed, but really they're just right. For $15 a month, all you unattached people (perhaps especially cynics who think it foolishness) would do well to give it a whirl.

And as for the language I use; it flows naturally through my fingers to the keyboard, I don't look up these words one by one out of thesaurus ... they just fit, and in they go.

posted March 26, 2001 09:21 AM            

I find it interesting to see/read your disposition.
Although understanding being dumped hurt and caused some serious wounds. But saying your GF has to live with that is wrong. No she doesn't. She can bail if it hurts and damages her.

Funny thing about baggage.
If not "stacked" properly, it'll keep falling on the person closest to it. Until one of two solutions are applied.

If the "incident" meant nothing then why are you asking us what we make of it? Why ask at all, since it meant nothing.
As it appears your trying to play it off.

Last thing.
One of the easiest things to do in life is show someone else their image. But do you see your own????

posted March 26, 2001 09:32 AM            

Maybe, dear Sis, you could just admit that it's there... you know, the elephant in the room. We all see it... I live with one too... and Lord knows, it's not only there, but I get pooped on by it myself about once a week or so...

------------------
~Sheryl
(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)

posted March 26, 2001 09:33 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by gettingby71:
If the "incident" meant nothing then why are you asking us what we make of it? Why ask at all, since it meant nothing.

---

Because I was a bit jarred by it, with all that has been going on. I would agree now that its significance was less than met the eye.

posted March 26, 2001 09:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by new_beginning:
Maybe, dear Sis, you could just admit that it's there... you know, the elephant in the room. We all see it... I live with one too... and Lord knows, it's not only there, but I get pooped on by it myself about once a week or so...

---

Well, I've never denied it was there ... but there's a lot less of it around these days, and I'm trying to dump the last of it.

A fair amount of it winds up here rather than staying around to get between me and GF.

posted March 26, 2001 09:46 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by TheStudent:
Oh no. I'm sure it would cost MUCH more than $15 to find a match with all of MY neuroses...

---

That's $15 a month. There's no telling how long you would have to stay on there ... but I will say that I dropped it shortly after hooking up with new GF, and a few days ago I suddenly began getting e-mail from them again like I had an actual membership, so I popped over there to re-exterminate my account ... and my "dashboard" page showed some of the same old people were still hanging around. The time it takes is certanly unpredictable.

posted March 26, 2001 11:03 AM            

At least I'm not PAYING to be reminded what sorry goods I am these days, like some of those other poor people on there. How sad for them. Although, I could think of much, much worse things than posting your name on an internet dating site and being rejected...and that would be to shack up with one of them and deal with all their POOP! You didn't really think I was serious, now did you Sis? Of course, then there are plenty of people who would point to the pile of poop, and say "really, sweetie, it doesn't smell THAT bad. Honest. It will biodegrade eventually. You don't have to pick it up "

Naaa. I think I'll just hang around and wait for that elephant to turn into a nice little terrier. The guy who "won" the Darwin Award this year was (supposedly) suffocated after being buried in elephant poop. Yep. He was a zoo-keeper, trying to relieve the poor animal from his constipation, happened to be on the wrong end of things, the elephant "let loose" knocking the guy over. He hit his head, and then--well, you know the rest.

posted March 26, 2001 06:45 PM            

is that story true??

I thought it was an urban myth???????

posted March 26, 2001 07:04 PM            

Well, I hope its not true. That would be a really crappy way to die...get it? crappy? LOL.

posted March 27, 2001 09:35 AM            

Obviously, at this juncture, my picture has shifted a bit in terms of what is owed where, and she had no way of knowing that. The real problem is that a third card affiliated with Quicken is no longer being serviced by the same banking institution, so her payment of about half the total owed me has vanished into a black hole ... the old bank may be sending it back to her, or it may be delayed in getting credited to the new bank, since she sent it to an obsolete address. Time will tell.

This means a minor change to the 1040 to see that XW will receive the refund. And there are a few very minor details remaining to be cleaned up.

posted March 28, 2001 01:05 PM            

The reason I ask is because I see you avoiding questions related to your current relationship, or you use a bizarre analogy to state your case, but you don't really answer questions about how she feels, how the GF is and what you are doing to ensure (how was that put?...) oh yes, ensure the *baggage* does not fall on top of her.

I think you are lucky that the GF is still with you through all of this. Especially since you say you come here to dump instead of to her. I don't think that sounds like a very healthy relationship on your part.

Maybe a little re-thinking is in order? What happens when you are not in need of the GF's shoulder anymore, when you have all the details wrapped up? Are you going to move on?
Sorry, but it certainly looks like that is in the cards, and I feel for your GF because of it.

Galatea

posted March 28, 2001 01:51 PM            

I think for many, it stretches the imagination to think that another person would or could help a recently-divorced person find their footing. Perhaps it stretches it to the breaking point to think that such a person would or could hold the stabilized divorcee's attention once that role starts to shift from rescuer (well, actually, she rescued me from a rescuer, but that's another story) to mate. Improbable or not, we have it here.

I am frankly through complaining about XW. There were miscues owing to a lack of communication, but apparently there was also a sincere effort to pay what she owed, and I'll neither fault her for not doing it earlier, nor for not communicating with me prior to doing it (resulting in it being a bit messy). And I will, when I get the details back from her that I need, do my best to reconcile the letter of the settlement agreement against various additional receipts (sales of items, refunds of deposits or overpayments or unused insurance) and return to her any amounts due. If there is any owed me, it'll likely be small enough that I'll probably let it go. I think of all the times I wanted to mail that CD-RW where it could do the most damage, and I'm glad I put it where it would not be an immediate temptation ... when all this is over, it'll go back to XW.

However, I never expect to have a civil relationship with her again, owing to what I felt I had to do in interfering with her family. I frequently ask myself whether what I did was right or wrong, and even if right, was it enough? The only answer is, it was a moral choice, made not just on my own but with a chorus of voices that told me it was the minimum I could do; and I did in in such a way as to give XW as much protection as possible. If it shredded the last of my relationship with her, so be it.

When I'm done, the one promise remaining to her is to replace her (formerly our) pomeroid (slightly oversized for pomeranian) dog, when he dies. That promise was made specifically without regard to any possible intervening circumstance short of incapacity. If I am called upon to honor my promise, I shall do so.

As to new GF; with my support (essentially convincing her to stop holding herself back due to timidity to outshine the others) she has achieved a year's billings in 90 days in a three-woman firm where she's now starting to feel like Cinderella owing to her boss and co-worker's reactions. She has negotiated with a relative who needs marketing (which her firm doesn't do), and launched another, different business venture; and she expects to shortly do her former job in her own firm, then add yet a third division with a related service on the internet.

Meanwhile, she's helping me get organized and back on track in so many ways. And now that she has a "normal" career and has found me, I am giving her the dimensions she missed out on when gymnastics coaching was her life.

We are unshackling and healing each other on a daily basis. I don't withhold from her the things I talk about here. I just use this to channel away the redundant stuff, and give form to thoughts and feelings that are inchoate ... as many of men's feelings are, until some effort is made to illuminate them. I think we'll be able to go the distance.