posted April 24, 2001 10:56 AM            

It's been a long time since I posted. I wrote a long sad sack story of how things are going in my life and before I posted it I decided to erase it. What purpose would that serve? I don't want sympathy. I certainly don't want to depress anyone about the details in my life.

I will say that my wife and I are still together. We are friends. I no longer believe we will have the type of marriage that I desire. It has been 2 years and 8 months. I'm not giving up. I'm simply at peace in knowing that life isn't fair. And that not everyone gets a second chance. I have never wavered from my Plan A. I believe I am now the husband I should have always been.

I love my wife as much as ever. If the Lord decides to soften my wife's heart towards me, then maybe our marriage will take a new direction. I'm not waiting for that to happen. I have found that by doing that, I am left with bitter disappointment. I continue to work at being content with what the Lord has given me.

Best wishes to you good people. Never tire from doing what you KNOW is right.

SHA

posted April 24, 2001 11:04 AM            

You are always in my prayers, and I will continue to pray that your wife does realize the husband that you are now, and will turn towards you with open arms.

posted April 24, 2001 11:25 AM            

It is good to hear from you again. I am sorry to hear that your W has not seen the light yet. I trust OM is still in her mind if not her presence. Someday, my man, someday. I just wish one thing. That she has time in her life to realize how much she wasted, before it is over.

Keep us posted, and

God Bless You,

posted April 24, 2001 11:39 AM            

and you're right.

I just know you will be blessed.

posted April 24, 2001 12:00 PM            

Unfortunately, the road is longer for some than it is for others. I'm sorry you are facing a longer journey.

Fortunately FOR MANY OF US, you were here to help us find the right direction and smooth our way in our own travels.

I truly believe that there are stars in heaven for you. There are certainly many Marriage Builders who think you are a star in your own right and in our lives.

Thank you,

posted April 24, 2001 01:12 PM            

It may be far too soon to tell what's going on.

Life is a guessing game--unsure--puzzling--sometimes wearisome. At times, bitterly disappointing. I, too, have to accept that life isn't always what you make it. Sometimes, it's how you deal with it.

The dreams of holding hands in public, sharing a project together, having a conversation that is not full of triggers that bring on painful memories, even having more children someday. . .well, I guess that's all a dream for right now. It may or may not ever happen, any of these.

But--I guess we are still together, and most importantly, our little kid has both his parents living under the same roof. This is more than worth it, believe me. A lot of people would think that I am crazy for "staying together for the kid," but to see my son happy is what makes me happy.

posted April 24, 2001 04:43 PM            

He's recognized I am not his problem...sometimes I'm a part of it...the wife, the kids, the house, the responsibilities...things I can't do much about.

He had to hit bottom and lose me before he got to where he is. I pretty much hit bottom as well, though in a different way.

It's pretty amazing to me how easy our relationship has become in the last couple months. He knows he is in the right place for him, I want him here, and want our marriage and family. We're high priority with each other. A year ago I would not have thought this was possible.

There's no clearer path through this than doing what you believe is right...not the easy or quick way. Even the miracles can take some time. You've made a wise choice in realizing you can't control, or maybe even influence your wife's love, all you can be is the best husband, the best SHA, you can be.

I wish you the best.

posted April 24, 2001 08:49 PM            

What a lovely post. Thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts. I'm sure your words will encourage many and help to keep us on the right path. There are so many "voices" out there and few which speak what you do. I am always reminded to keep persevering when I read a post like yours.

quote:

---

I no longer believe we will have the type of marriage that I desire.

---

Do you believe you will have the type of marriage God plans for you? This is what I am thinking in my own situation. I must open my hand and let go of the picture I've been holding and even my desires for a certain type of marriage. It may even be that the type of marriage you (and I) desire is good, but God has a different plan, for our best. I was thinking of Elisabeth Elliot who lost her husband after 27 months of marriage (she became a widow). From all I've read, her relationship to her husband was a beautiful one. Yet, GOD only allowed it for 27 months. This makes me think that what I think I "deserve" or should get, may not at all be what God intends for me.

posted April 24, 2001 08:58 PM            

Hang in there! Remember all things work toward good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes.

------------------
God Bless,
Rob
regilmor@swbell.net

posted April 24, 2001 11:33 PM            

You have truly been a pillar of strength as many have told you and I take my hat off to you.

I wish you nothing but the best.