posted March 29, 2000 11:01 AM            

Did I? Was I wrong to make plans to go out with a group that included guys? Was it wrong because I had been talking to one of our friends (a male) about our marriage in hopes of trying to fix things? He was trying to do the same thing with his wife.

Anyway, I am really down right now.

posted March 29, 2000 12:50 PM            

I'm sure he has said worse about me, but he was just LOOKING for a reason to file and the devil handed it to him on a silver platter!

posted March 29, 2000 01:12 PM            

Divorce takes a long time - even if uncontested, and there are no thorny issues like child custody to work out, it's still a minimum of three months. Maybe he'll cool down and come to his senses. But, if he doesn't... no, you didn't do anything wrong. You did what anyone would do, when life got a little rough you turned to those who care about you for support. An evening out with friends while your marriage is rocky isn't a luxury, it's necessary for sanity!

posted March 29, 2000 01:35 PM            

Do not fall into this trap,he knows that he behaved badly and it is his way of making you feel bad.

I agree w/promised forever and younglove.You still need to move on w/your life.

It is so hard I am realizing more and more just how difficult marriage is.I have a new appreciation for all the "old married" couples,how on earth do they do it?

Anyway,wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your in my prayers.

posted March 29, 2000 01:56 PM            

There are absolutely no "thorny" details to work out, so I am guessing a month tops and he will be out of my life.

He is SO GOOD at getting me to think this is all my fault!

posted March 29, 2000 03:08 PM            

Although I don't see it as a reason. It was COMPLETELY innocent! He does!!!

He is a GREAT con artist! He told me on the phone that GOD directed him to my house so he could eavesdrop on our conversation.

posted March 29, 2000 09:28 PM            

I know this is a page to build marriages....but I have to agree with just about everyone else....

Get this divorce over with....him completly out of your life and enjoy your next 70 years!

I know I haven't posted lately, but I've been in a very down mood for several days....

But, I have been reading your post....your H is very imature....trying to shift the blame on to everyone but himself.....I saw your pro/con list.....much of what he respects in you are just adult behaviors....he is not an adult....he is a child....it's his own fault...he refuses to take responsibility....

Like I said before....I've known many woman married to men like your H....their lives have been hell until they are feel of the teenager who is really an adult.....

Good Luck and don't take the blame....

posted March 30, 2000 10:31 AM            

Any suggestions on things to work on for the next time around?

I have such an overwhelming feeling of failure and being unlovable. If this clown can divorce me...what am I worth?

Everybody who knows the situation agrees with you...friends, family, even some of his family. It is just hard for some reason. This will be my 2nd divorce and it makes me feel like such a loser. I am only 26. I realize my first divorce happened because we married as kids ( I was 17). It was the thing to do at the time where I lived. There was not even a baby to make us get married. My H was 5 years older so he was probably more ready than I was, but I have always been "more mature acting" than my friends of the same age.

Anyway, I just feel like a 2 time loser for some reason. Especially when he has justified this divorce because of my actions on Friday.

I know this is best...but it still really sucks!

TB

posted March 30, 2000 03:56 PM            

I understand that I hurt you and I want you to know that I won't do that
again.

If you are interested, I will explain the whole situation so that you will
have all the facts and you will feel better.

I'm sorry about the things you heard me say about you. There is no excuse
or justification for doing that. It was a really stupid and immature way
to try to deal with the situation I am in. I realize that all things ARE
possible with God and that there is always a chance we could get back
together, whether it be now or years down the road. The things we say
against each other now only hurt us and are what the devil wants. Nothing
good can come out of talking bad about one's spouse, regardless of the
situation. I am feeling very convicted about this and I am truly
remorseful. You are my husband and what I said did not honor you.

I want you to know that I want to be obedient to God's word and therefore I
am still open to working on our relationship. I feel that through working
on myself, I have found the recipe to having a successful relationship and
I am eager to follow it. I also know that I can't do that alone.

I have hope that we can eventually work this out. If you need more time, I
will respect that. But, if you still choose to not work on our marriage, I
will respect your decision. I will even compromise by paying for the
divorce packet at the Law Shop if you will pay the filing fee. We can work
out the details together so we don't have to pay lawyer fees which I'm sure
you know start at $500 each.

I also want to tell you that as far as I am concerned, the past is just
that...the past. If you choose to work on this relationship at sometime, I
promise not to bring up the past. I think it would be healthier to focus
on solutions for the future rather than to dredge up the past over & over.

Again, I am sorry for hurting you Bill. I don't believe that there have
been any bridges burned that can't be rebuilt over time. People do it
every day. Just look at how much Calvin and Mandy overcame. Calvin has
even came a long ways with your parents.

I would be free to talk about this at any time if you want to. I am also
open to talking about this together with Ken if you are comfortable.

Take Care!

Love, TB

I have gotten NO response from this or from the ecard I sent him. I think he is very angry (obviously after his actions on Friday) and he is acting very cold to me. We have had VERY limited contact for the last month!

He is a very needy person. I refer to it as "high maintenance". It was exhausting at times to keep telling him over & over how good he was, how good he looked, etc. He spent more time looking in the mirror than any 5 women put together.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure this part of the saga is over and that we will end in divorce. I extended an olive branch and he basically set it on fire. It will always be there as far as I am concerned though.

Thanks for your insight! I truly feel his family has a LOT to do with this right now...although he is a big boy and will be ultimately held accountable for his own actions.

posted March 30, 2000 04:25 PM            

I am very sorry for the pain that you are having to go through. You seem to still want reconciliation and it would not surprise me if your were to have this opportunity but I don’t want to give you false hope either. If this does happen however please make sure that it is what you want and that you have a plan to rebuild your relationship.

Regardless of what happens you will come out victorious. Your letter was awesome.

posted March 30, 2000 04:28 PM            

Thanks, Scott, for your support! My brain knows it is better this way...I just wish my heart would follow suit sometime soon!

posted March 31, 2000 10:18 AM            

This is all so sad. I feel so hopeless sometimes.