posted June 19, 2000 10:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
[BThis thread is long winded, I finally understood why JL is here, and I can relate to almost everyone here as I been in ALMOST everyone's place, and after I am divorced, I will have been in everyone's place at least once. What does that give me, a profound sense of knowledge and experience to be able to impart this wisdom to my kids IF they are willing to listen and think. and to anyone else interested in learning, thinking and struggling.
[/B]

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WhenIfind,

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I find this to be totally condescending. You have never been in my place, unless you are merely referring to being married. But you have never walked in my shoes.

For some reason, an exboss came to mind who truly considered himself an expert on marriage because he was on his 9th one (and divorcing again). He had sooo much experience.

posted June 19, 2000 11:08 AM            

quote:

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NOT MAKING A DECISION IS A DECISION

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THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

This reminds me of the Rush song "Free Will" from their "Permanent Waves" album.

The chorus goes:

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;
I will choose a path that's clear
I will choose freewill.

And here's a verse from "Entre Nous" - another song on that album:

We are strangers to each other,
Full of sliding panels,
An illusion show.
Acting well-rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart?
It's hard for one to know.

I think I'll listen to that CD when I get home tonight. It's one of my favorites!

You are making a ton of sense to me. Thanks for helping me to feel a little more sane.

posted June 19, 2000 11:11 AM            

I did not mean it literally, mostly figuratively, in a general sense of the
word. If you get to specifics, yes, I will have walked in no one else's shoes. However, I find those that are literal to tend towards fixed viewpoints with a limited number of grey areas.

But the point was of understanding and empathizing, not of specifics of every
situation. If I risk not offending anyone, I would consciously take on their perspective all the time, possibly like TS, and in an open forum, could only lurk, because one can always offend someone by stating their views as an individual. (remember, politically correct is not about being an individual, it is about being accepted by everyone.)

Again it is other people's interpretation of my words that I must be conscious of. Since this thread is open to everyone, I may offend the literal and those take offence easily. I cannot satisfy everyone's exact point of view, nor will I try. When i say I can relate, there are gray areas, it is not black and white. There are degrees of ability to relate. Statistically, a 95% confidence interval begins with about a 20% correlation. That is not very high, and leaves about 80 shades of gray between black and white.

My world is very colorful, there is black and white and at least 80 shades in between. I have an open mind as much as possible.

However, if one can relate to a general situation, such as an imperfect marriage, a lifetime of struggling to find yourself, to understand who you are, to understand where you come from, you may be able to relate to that fact that I am no different than anyone here. And I hope my example can be of use to someone else.

I may be at a different point in the struggle, but we all go through it to a different degree with different outcomes specifically because we are unique.

sorry to offend you, but that is a risk in an open forum, such as the internet.

thl

posted June 19, 2000 02:46 PM            

I do not know what section to have NSR put this thread into. Do you have any ideas?

Here is the link with the sections: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html

Thank you!

posted June 19, 2000 02:54 PM            

I hope this thread didn't get too side-tracked with my ramblings. There are some good posts in here but I'm afraid my own personal stuff may have muddied it a bit.

posted June 19, 2000 03:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
NOT MAKING A DECISION IS A DECISION

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How true.

posted June 19, 2000 03:08 PM            

{{{{{{{{{TS}}}}}}}}}here is a hug my friend!

I agree w/Raskal,don't worry about mudding it up.

This is why we are all here!

Hang in there Girl

Gina

posted June 19, 2000 03:17 PM            

to me this is a great way to be myself on here, hear from real people that are dealing with similar stuff for sure!

I do counselors, and feel good after that, but the one's I go to haven't been in marital issues, or so they say, and all they hear are others problems! NO offense to those that don't agree with me cause I GET GREAT feed back from my counselors!

BUT...I get GREAT feed back from many on here that can related and dang near put themselves in my shoes...so I don't beleive in a "muddy thread" and I learn from everyones posts and topics! Most all of it can in someway or another be adapted to my situation.

Just my 2 cents worth...Again!

posted June 19, 2000 03:22 PM            

I really have poured it all out here. Every little thing that crosses my mind eventually finds its way here to be examined and cross-examined so that I might learn something from it. A lot of times I disagree or get defensive, but I always end up learning something from it anyway.

posted June 19, 2000 03:41 PM            

You are so welcome!

No,there is no "Pool of Good Feelings"....I wish!

Just the Athlectic Club's pool,where I have been spending most of my days,watching all the pool instructor hotties. SSSHHHHH,that is our little secret!

I am an optimist.........and most of all it makes me feel better when I can talk w/other people and make them laugh or feel better.Even if just a little.

I will be here.......lurking
If you want to just gab let me know!
We can start our own thread and try and beat out the other thread on the DB.HUH!LOL

Take it easy............

Gina

posted June 19, 2000 04:03 PM            

You are hilarious...damn you make me laugh. So you are a pool boy watcher eh?

Guess it isn't so bad to "look" is it! I love the way you take the "lighthearted" approach to your thinkings and offerings!!!!

Ah you a "feel good woman"!

It would almost be cool to just make something up to get you to make me laugh. I haven't BTW, just saying! I like your views about situations!

posted June 22, 2000 05:48 PM            

THE TEN MARKS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE

I particularly like the following paragraph about commitment:

quote:

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Commitment is more than to permanence or sexual fidelity. For Christians commitment is not just 'being there year after year in the easy chair'. It is more than a promise not to go away. It ought to include, above all, a commitment to grow, to become the persons God intended us to be. 'Growing' couples set growth goals - to read a good book and discuss it; to go away every year on a retreat; to pray together; do a course together. One couple said in their wedding vows: 'In this marriage I want to grow as a person, I want to help you grow as a person, and I want to see our relationship of love, companionship and support grow deeper, larger and stronger. With the help of God, I commit myself to that.'

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posted June 22, 2000 06:08 PM            

Thanks for sharing.