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The Four Rules
for a Successful Marriage
The Rule of Care | The Rule of Protection | The Rule of Honesty
The Rule of Time
The Rule of Time:
Take Time to Give Your Spouse Your Undivided Attention
The Rule of Time unlocks the door to the other three rules.ﾠ Without
time you will not be able to meet each other's emotional needs
nor will you
be able to avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness.ﾠ
Time is also a basic requirement for honesty.ﾠ Time for undivided
attention is the necessary ingredient for everything that's important in
marriage.
And yet, as soon as most couples marry, and especially when children
arrive, couples usually replace their time together with activities of
lesser importance.ﾠ You probably did the same thing.ﾠ You tried
to meet each other's needs with time "left over," but sadly, there wasn't
much time left over.ﾠ Your lack of private time together may have
become a great cause of unhappiness, and yet you felt incapable of preventing
it.ﾠ You may have also found yourself bottling up your honest expression
of feelings because there was just no appropriate time to talk.
Schedule your time to be alone with each other as your highest priority
-- that way it will never be replaced by activities of lesser value.ﾠ
Your career, your time with your children, maintenance of your home, and
a host of other demands will all compete for your time together.ﾠ
But if you follow the Rule of Time, you will not let anything steal from
those precious and crucial hours together.
I suggest that you (a) spend time away
from children and friends whenever
you give each other your undivided attention; (b) use the time to meet
the emotional needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship,
and sexual fulfillment; and (c) schedule at least fifteen hours together
each week.ﾠ When you were dating, you gave each other this kind of
attention and you fell in love.ﾠ When people have affairs, they also
give each other this kind of attention to keep their love for each other
alive.ﾠ Why should courtship and affairs be the only times love is
created?ﾠ Why can't it happen in marriage as well?ﾠ It can, if
you set aside time every week to give each other undivided attention.
The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage are presented in Four Gifts
of Love:ﾠ Preparing for Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime.ﾠ
It is a book for engaged couples to help them start their marriage in a
way that will help them avoid losing their love for each other.
ﾠ
Back to Dr. Harley's Article
What Are Plan A and Plan B
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