Preparing for Marriage
In Preparing for Marriage, I describe some of the most
important ways that people can make themselves marriage material. I also explain how
a couple can develop a negotiating style before marriage that will help them avoid most
of the common pitfalls after marriage.
The letters in Choosing the Right One to Marry address
common problems of dating couples. Because they are not
yet married, I focus more attention on whether they are right for each other than I do on how to
resolve the conflicts. The first letter is from a woman who thinks she is engaged but is having
quite a bit of trouble with her "fiancee." So much trouble, in fact, that she is not sure he is right
for her, and I'm not either. The second letter comes from a woman who is interested in
compatibility testing. I suggest a professional service that she can use, and I also offer her some
of my own guidelines as to what to look for in a marriage partner. The third letter is from a
woman who considers herself married to her boyfriend, but he's left her. Are they now going
A very high percentage of those who send me letters are either living together or
have lived together before marriage. There has been extensive research on the subject of
living together, and it all points to a startling conclusion: Living together before marriage
seems to doom subsequent marriage. In my first Q&A column on the subject, Does Living Together Prepare You for Marriage? I try to
explain why living together has such a disastrous effect on marriage.
Then, in What Is It Like to Be Married After Living
Together I explain what a couple can do to save their marriage after having lived
together first. These two Q&A columns are extremely important reading for couples who
have ever lived together before marriage, or are contemplating living together.
There are many people meeting for the first time on the internet, and as I discussed
earlier, there are an increasing number of internet affairs. But some of these relationships
are between singles, and they sometimes lead to marriage. How do these internet
marriages work out? Internet Marriage is a discussion
of this recent phenomenon, along with some warnings and suggestions.
Is divorce the end of a marriage? Not necessarily. But how can you know for sure,
and how can you let go if it's really over? These questions are addressed in Should I Remarry My Ex-spouse? If Not, How Can I Just Let