Getting the Most from the
Marriage Builders® Courses
The two courses, His Needs Her Needs: Habits for a Lifetime of Passion
and Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Passion, are an educational program that will improve your life in ways that you could not have possibly imagined. Of course, it will help you create a very fulfilling marriage -- that's what it's designed to do. But many of those who have completed this program have told me that it has also made them happier, healthier, and wealthier. And it has certainly made them better parents. That's because a great marriage has all these added benefits.
So it's worth every minute of your time to complete this program -- it may be the most valuable educational experience of your life!
What will this program teach you?
There are twelve lessons in each course which address the types of problems couples often have in marriage -- and their solutions. The His Needs, Her Needs course focuses attention on the positive aspects of marriage -- how you should care for each other by meeting emotional needs. The Love Busters course, on the other hand, focuses attention on the negative aspects of marriage -- how you should protect each other from your thoughtlessness. Taken together, these two courses cover just about every problem you can possibly have in marriage.
But these lessons will do more than show you how to solve your marital problems -- they will also show you how to fall in love and stay in love with each other. When you have completed both courses, you will be making such large deposits into each other's Love Banks that your feeling of love will be inevitable -- I guarantee it. That's because it's been proven to me again and again that if you meet each other's important emotional needs, and avoid hurting each other, love is always the outcome.
It's not uncommon for married couples to lose their love for each other
If you have lost your love for each other, you're not alone. It actually happens to most couples. But it isn't inevitable. It's because you, and most other couples, fail to do what you did while you were still in love -- meet each other's important emotional needs, and avoid hurting each other.
There are a host of reasons why you may have stopped meeting each other's important emotional needs. An innocent change in priorities after marriage is usually at the core of the problem. The pressures of raising a new family and establishing a career to support that family can shift your attention from caring for each other to caring for your children and being successful at work.
But when important emotional needs go unmet in marriage, you're no longer the happy couple you once were. You find yourselves more demanding, disrespectful, and angry toward each other -- behavior that will wreck just about any marriage. Dishonesty, and thoughtless lifestyle choices can also creep into a marriage when emotional needs are neglected. And what had been a blissful marriage can quickly become a nightmare. Romantic love can turn into hatred.
Some couples feel that once love is lost in marriage, it can't be restored, especially when it's been replace by hatred. But I've seen that transformation from hatred back to love thousands of times when couples simply change their behavior. Instead of neglecting each other's important emotional needs, they learn to meet them again. And instead of hurting each other, they protect each other. By practicing this new behavior for a few months, the passion they once had is completely restored.
Change isn't easy: it's easier to expect your spouse to change
If we could change our behavior without much effort, divorce would be almost non-existent. That's because most of the problems we face in marriage can be completely overcome if we simply change what we do.
But we don't like to change. We'd rather keep the habits we've learned, and let others change. I can't tell you how many times people have told me that they want their spouse to accept them as they are -- they want their spouse to accept their neglect and abuse. And yet, when the tables are turned they're unwilling to accept their spouse's neglect and abuse. Is that fair? Does it make any sense?
We all seem to be able to understand why our spouse should meet our needs and protect us from their abuse, but we usually can't grasp how important it is for us to do the same. That's because change isn't easy.
These courses are for those who have trouble changing
Granted, there are some who seem to be able to take my challenge and run with it. They read my Basic Concepts that I've posted on this website, or read one of my books, and that's all it takes. Once they put my plan for a passionate marriage into action, they see results almost immediately. Thousands of these people have written me from scores of countries telling me that they simply followed my advice and it worked for them. Hundreds of thousands of couples from just about every nationality and culture have learned how to fall in love and stay in love that way.
But many of those who have read my Basic Concepts have had trouble applying them to their marriage. These couples agree with these concepts, but have written me for help in creating a more specific plan for their situation. And then, when they have a plan, they want encouragement to follow it.
So I created these two courses to help guide couples through every aspect of building a successful marriage. They will help you understand the problems you face in your marriage and develop a plan to change your behavior that will solve each problem
The assignments in each lesson will involve reading, listening, discussing, planning, and practice getting the job done. If you complete these assignments, your marriage will be terrific. But if you do not complete them, you will lose more than just the purchase price - you will lose a marriage that could have been passionate and fulfilling.
The Most Frequently Asked Question: What should I do if my spouse won't do the lessons with me?
For most couples, one spouse is more willing to complete these course assignments than the other. And it doesn't seem to be related to gender. I've witnessed about the same proportion of men and women who are reluctant to do what it takes to save their marriage.
Reluctance does not prevent a couple from solving their problems -- if they do the lesson assignments together. I'll admit that it's discouraging for one spouse to be doing all the encouraging while the other spouse complains most of the time. But if one spouse's encouragement gets the job done, in the end they will both be happily married to each other.
Encouragement is one thing, but one spouse can't do the lessons for the other - one spouse simply cannot save a marriage. It takes both spouses working together and understanding each other's needs and reactions before a solution to marital problems can be discovered and implemented. So each lesson assignment in these courses requires the participation of both spouses. You should not try to complete the lessons by yourself.
If you don't read together, don't listen together, don't discuss together, don't plan together, and most important, don't practice doing what it takes to overcome your problems together, how can you expect to solve your problems? If your spouse is unwilling to complete the lessons with you, it's unlikely that any of your problems will be solved.
I hope you will both work together to complete these two courses, because that's all it will take to solve your marriage problems. And you should not waste any time getting started. The sooner you complete these lessons, the sooner you will be in love again.
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