In addition to a greater need for income and domestic responsibilities, the arrival
of children may create in you the need for your spouse to become active in the moral and educational development of the children. I call that need family commitment. As is true for the need for financial and domestic support, if you do not have any children just yet, you may not sense this need. But upon
their arrival, a change may take place that you didn't anticipate.
Evidence of this need is a craving for your spouse's involvement in the training of your children. When he or she is helping to care for them, you
feel very fulfilled, and when they are neglected you feel very frustrated.
This is not just child care -- feeding, clothing or watching over children to keep them
safe. Child care falls under the category of domestic support. Family commitment, on
the other hand, is taking a responsibility for how the children will turn out, teaching them the
values of cooperation and care for each other. It is spending quality time with your
children to help insure happiness and success for them as adults.
But the need for family commitment is not met by just any form of training. It is only met when the training is enthusiastically approved by you. It can all be ruined if your spouse uses training methods and objectives that violate your standards. Your participation and agreement regarding training methods and objectives are essential before this need can be met.
We all want our children to be successful, but if you have the need for family
commitment, your spouse's participation in family activities that guarantee that outcome will deposit so many love units that it will trigger your feeling of love for him or her. And your spouse's neglect of your children will threaten that love.
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