Changing a Willingness to Make Love into a
Desire to Make Love
Dear Dr. Harley,
I had my husband read your last e-mail and it set the stage for a deep discussion about the whole subject. I'm glad to see that he's finally understanding that it's a common issue and that it's not that I don't "desire" HIM, but that I just don't desire SEX (as much as he does).
We've been trying to have "more frequent sex" as you suggested this week and, so far, it's been (for the most part) fun. I've been able to stay focused and it hasn't felt like too much work on my part.
It's only been a week though, and have experienced this part in the cycle with him before. We just hope it can last!!!
I'm going to check in with you from time to time to make sure you are following the program. Remember not to let everyday "crises" get you off schedule because it will break the habits you are developing. Your husband must take the initiative each time, and you must help him figure out how to make your sexual arousal effortless. Try not to refuse him, even if you are not in the mood. The point of the exercises is to figure out what it takes to get you in the mood without you doing any of the work. If what your husband wants is more frequent love-making, there is no substitute for making it predictably easy and enjoyable.
And try to experience sexual arousal without "staying focused." You still make it sound like a lot of work.
Dear Dr. Harley,
Thanks for checking in with me.
We've been following the program you recommended and last week, from my husband's lips, we experienced some of the best love-making sessions we've had in a while. I'll be honest with you, I think it was mostly due to the "time of the month". But I was definitely more receptive and lubricated and was enjoying myself very much.
I'll keep you abreast of the progress we make...