Bookstore | Courses, Seminar and Accountability | Videos | Coaching Center | Questionnaires | Marriage Builders® Radio | Radio Archive
   Home | Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum
Articles
NEW Dating after marriage Series of Articles
NEW How to Complain in Marriage
My Spouse Hit Me. Now What?
What to Do with a Serial Cheater
Guidelines for Groping and Grabbing in Marriage
What to Do with a Child of an Affair
Peace and Good Will: Essential for Effective Conflict Resolution
The Scourge of Pornography
How to Deal with a Quarrelsome and Nagging Wife
What's the Purpose of a Wedding?
How to Make Your Wife Happy
How to Negotiate When No One Wants to Raise the Issue
The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage
How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person
How Can Trust Be Restored After An Affair?
Snooping: Is it wrong? Or, is it the right thing to do in marriage?
Should the Policy of Joint Agreement Be Violated When Trying to Meet Your Spouse's Emotional Needs?
When Should an Affair Be Exposed
How to Survive an Affair
When should you tell your spouse "We have a problem."
Why Women Leave Men
What Are Plan A and Plan B?
Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other
How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages
How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love
How To Find A Good Marriage Counselor
The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage?
Why are the differences between a man and a woman so valuable in marriage?
What is Marriage Coaching?
Living Together Before Marriage: Compatibility Test or Curse?
How do you know if your spouse is in love with you?
Fear of Marriage
Are "Friends" a Threat to Your Marriage?
What is Sexual Addiction?
What's Wrong with Unconditional Love (Part 1)
When to Call It Quits (Part 1)
Alcohol, Abuse, and Infidelity
Rules that Guide Good Habit Formation in Marriage
What is an Affair?
Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn
Romantic Love: Is it a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy?
But you promised!
But no one told me!
Bankrupt!? Us!?
Ouch? No no let me explain.
The Coach
Free Newsletter
The Marriage Builders®
Newsletter

Your Email
Privacy Policy

Marriage Builders®
Radio

FREE
BROADCAST
Marriage Builders®
Radio

Live Program
12:00-12:45pm CT
Monday-Friday


Rebroadcast
Every 45 Minutes
until the
Next Broadcast


All times Central Time.

DOWNLOAD MP3 FILES NOW!

More radio information...


Click here for
iPhone

Click here for
ANDROID

Click here for
KINDLE

Click here for
BLACKBERRY


A D V E R T I S M E N T
Click Here!


printer version | email this article | send feedback

But you promised!

by Steven W. Harley, M.S.


Steven W. Harley, M.S. Dave sat dumbfounded at what he was hearing. "How could you do this? How could you leave? You've been working here for the past 15 years and you act as though you just got here."

Jill had just handed Dave her Letter of Resignation and was trying to explain why she was leaving. "Dave, there is no question that, for the most part, the company has treated my family and me well. You just need to understand that I haven't grown here. And what's more, my needs have changed. I want something different...challenging."

"What have you found?" asked Dave with a defeated voice knowing that she had found another job.

Jill responded with sympathy, "I was approached about three months ago by a headhunter who asked if I would be interested in a new job he found. When he first asked, I immediately said ‘No.' But after I thought about it, and after I looked back at the years that I've been here, I asked for more information. From there it was just amazing. It was as though he knew what I was looking for...what I had been missing. The job seemed to be custom made for my experience, skills, and future plans. What could I have said?"

"No!" Dave exclaimed. "You could have said ‘No!'" Dave was beside himself. He never saw any of this coming. "Why is this the first time that I'm hearing about your unhappiness? Why didn't you ever tell me. I'm your boss, for crying out loud! You're supposed to come to me if you have a problem, or if you're dissatisfied with your job. What happened?"

"I'm what? I'm supposed to come to YOU? Don't you have some sort of responsibility to make sure that I'm happy here? Just because you don't hear me complain, it doesn't mean that I'm happy to be here, you know." Jill was getting a little bit distressed with the position Dave was taking. All Jill could think of right now is that her current job paled in comparison to the new job that was waiting for her.

"Ok, ok. Let's get down to a more serious issue here," Dave said. "I have your contract right here." Dave proceeded to finger through his files until he found the one with Jill's name on it. "Let's see...here it is, your promise. We had an understanding, Jill. The company would provide a list of things for you, and you would provide the company a list of things for them. That was the agreement...that was the contract you signed. You made a promise!" he said with a low but forceful voice. He continued with the same low, forceful tenor, "We had a clear understanding of what we all were getting into, didn't we? You thought it over. We thought it over. You were happy about it. We were happy about it. And not just that, but it made sense. It had a future. We had an agreement, Jill." Dave paused for a moment as he was beginning to loose his focus. Finally, he lost it. Out of frustration, he yelled, "What happened!?"

Unfortunately, this is a conversation that I hear too many times every week. However, it's not a discussion over a Letter of Resignation, it's a discussion over divorce papers. Yet, the reasons for leaving are basically the same...unmet needs.

Do you know what your spouse's needs are? Better yet, do you know what YOUR needs are? These questions are the very reason why we have created the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. Because if you don't have the answers, you are left to guess. And why would you want to guess at something so critical to a happy marriage when you could have the answers given to you?

Food for thought...

Steven W. Harley, M.S. is the Director of the Marriage Builders® Counseling Center.


Most Popular Links
The Marriage Builders� Discussion Forum
How to Survive Infidelity
The Most Important Emotional Needs
Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts
Coping with Infidelity:
Part 1 - How Do Affairs Begin?
A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts
Love Busters
The Emotional Needs Questionnaire
Q&A Columns
The Policy of Joint Agreement

  

Worth Looking Into

The Marriage Builders® Home Study Course | Fall In Love, Stay In Love

CUSTOMIZED PLAN with Marriage Coach, Steven W. Harley, M.S.

   Home | Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum
Bookstore | Courses, Seminar and Accountability | Videos | Coaching Center | Questionnaires | Marriage Builders® Radio | Radio Archive
|  Feedback  |  Privacy Policy  |  Contact Us  |
© 1995-2012 Marriage Builders, Inc. All rights reserved.