Among the greatest obstacles to romantic dating is the inability to find adequate childcare for a date. This is particularly true when children are under the age of 5. For many, that means dates are almost out of the question until the children are older.
It should come as no surprise, then, that divorce and infidelity are at a particularly high risk when children are very young. Parents tend to lose their emotional connection to each other at that time in their lives.
There are many factors that make finding childcare difficult when children are young. One of those is that many parents don't trust leaving their youngest children with a sitter. They don't feel that most other people can provide the care that they would provide.
Another factor is that very young children often don't want their parents to leave them for the evening. Parents, especially mothers, feel guilty going on a date when their children are crying, begging them to stay.
A third factor is affordability. It can cost more for childcare on a date than all of the other dating expenses combined. This is an important reason why many couples skip dating regardless of the children's ages.
Grandparents can solve all of these three problems in many cases. A mother and father usually feel that their children are safe when being cared for by their gramdparents. Also, children are less likely to resist being cared for by them. Finally, grandparents don't charge for their services, making their help the ultimate in affordability.
However, motivating grandparents to take on this responsibility permanently usually takes a bit of educating. It should be made clear that the purpose of the childcare is to help keep the marriage fresh and solid. It's not an attempt to pass on to grandparents something that parents should be doing.
To prove that, it should be explained that, inaddition to dating, they are scheduling fifteen hours of quality family time on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings, and Saturday and Sunday during the day. The children are not being neglected. Instead, the new program, taken as a whole, actually delivers more care for the children. Plus, it gives the children what they need most: Parents who are in love with each other.
Having this conversation with every grandparent helps them see the wisdom of a long-term childcare commitment. And, almost all grandparents see it as something they should have done themselves when they were raising children. Besides, the opportunity to participate in the development of their grandchildren is usually seen more as a privilege than a responsibility. Their grandchildren grow up seeing them as major contributors to their education and moral development. A closely-knit family that spans three generations is a great achievement in itself.
What if grandparents are not available? What other options are there?
My wife, Joyce, and I lived in the same city as our parents, and they were more than willing to watch their grandchildren when we were on dates. But we found it somewhat inconvenient to use their services, since they lived over half an hour from our home. We felt that the time it would take to deliver and pick them up again would take too much away from our dating time. So, we supplemented our parents' childcare with girls from our neighborhood and our church that would care for our children in the way we wanted them cared for at a price that we could afford.
We told childcare candidates what we were willing to pay, and most of them accepted that amount, even though others were paying as much as several times more. Just because some people pay a certain amount for childcare doesn't mean that you must pay that amount. Pay what you can afford.
Another very popular way to make childcare safe and affordable is to join a childcare cooperative. There are many churches and neighborhoods that have created these groups and have vetted each participating member to certify their ability to provide safe and quality care.
Parents in a cooperative build credits by watching other parents' children. Those credits are used to have other parents watch their children. One hour of caring for one child is worth one credit. So, if you need child care for 15 hours a week for your two children, you must watch other parents' two children for 15 hours a week or some other combination of hours and children.
Many couples that are part of a childcare cooperative mix and match the way that sitters are used. They may use the coop for 8 of the 15 hours, pay a sitter for 3 hours, and have their parents watch them for the remaining 4 hours. That way, they are responsible for watching the same number of other people's children for only 8 hours a week.
Having your romantic dates on the same schedule each week as I have recommended makes it much easier to schedule childcare. Whether it's using grandparents, paid sitters, or a cooperative, most childcare helpers would rather be on the same schedule each week than to see it changed from week to week.
I challenge couples that I counsel to try the romantic dating schedule I recommend for at least a month. During that time, with my encouragement, they usually get the kinks out. They approach their parents with their dating plan and the childcare that they would like them to provide. They search for reliable and safe childcare options at a price that they can afford. They look into childcare cooperative in their area to determine if they might work for them.
When they have lined up their childcare, they start to get adjusted to a weekly schedule of dating, which also helps their children adjust to that schedule. No tears when parents leave for their date because they have something to look forward to: An evening with someone whose mission it is to entertain them. Our children always looked forward to being with their sitters because we made it clear that they were to entertain them.
The cost of romantic dating should be an item in every couple's budget. After the first month, it usually becomes clearer what a couple can afford to spend to have an enjoyable time together, and so they plan their dates accordingly.
It's true that when you've lost the feeling of love, romantic dates must usually be planned more carefully to make them mutually enjoyable. So, that may require more expense at first. But, when you're in love, you don't really need to spend much money to make Love Bank deposits. You simply need to give each other your undivided attention.