"Are you a PISSD person in recovery?"
"Are you a PISSD person looking for answers?"
Ok.
That's as far as I'm going on that.
All joking aside, trying to get a handle on life can feel next to impossible when you find out that your spouse has had an affair or is having an affair. The extreme swings of emotion become so disorienting that you regularly forget what day it is, much less what you need to get done that day. Sensitivities can be off the chart, as the slightest off-center comments can send you reeling. And it's hard to even ask for help because you aren't sure what help you need. The main thing you know is that it hurts. And it hurts a lot.
PISSD is actually a condition I see on almost a daily basis. It follows the discovery that you have been betrayed by someone you believed made a commitment to be faithful to you. Your spouse violated that trust in such a way that it forces you to recalculate and reformat your understanding of the entire relationship. Disorientation is expected. Establishing a sense of direction sooner than later is essential.
If you are on the right road to recovery, you'll go through all stages of grief/loss (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). They are stages that you both need to understand as part of the process of recovery. Both you and your spouse would also do well to understand some of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) recovery phases because you have, in fact, experienced a traumatic event. Google "PTSD recovery phases" for more information.
To help you get a sense of direction to specifically address the pain and recovery of an affair, we pulled together a list of very helpful pages that you'll want to read, bookmark, and read again. It's information to consume now and take some time to digest. And it is information to keep on hand because you are going to recover. But HOW you recover matters. It matters because the way in which you recover has a significant influence on what your options are from here. You don't want to just recover. You want to recover well.
Start with reading "Steps for Your Marriage to Survive Infidelity." It's a resource page that lists the information that will guide you for now. Those pages will have additional references to help you as you go.
Surviving An Affair is one of our books that you'll want to download right away. It too will help you with the "Why?", the "What?", and the "How?" that you're looking for. It just goes into greater detail than most of the articles here. The eBook is discounted 50% which makes it a good deal.
Also, you'll want to visit our Discussion Forum where you will find real people with real support who will help you with some of the details as you move forward.
If you would like personal guidance and direction, I'm available to help by making an appointment here.
In the meantime, keep reading, keep learning, and understand that you are not a crazy person. You're just a PISSD person…for now.