Have you ever been to a marriage counselor? If so, before anything of significance was discussed, you and your spouse were required to complete questionnaires. It makes sense to do that first so you can lay out your problems systematically, and set goals.
I provide you, free of charge, the questionnaires I use when I counsel couples. If you complete these questionnaires, you will have identified all of the problems in your marriage, and you will be able to set goals to overcome those problems.